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Or until she grows up and becomes someone else’s morning battle.

Every once and while I hit the ol’ “Read Random Post” button on my little ol’ blog here and cringe while I read some of the stories. Not because of the misspellings and self-indulgent whining (because, dude, it’s a blog. What the fuck else am I supposed to do with it?) but because of how little has changed over the last 4 years or so. Particularly when it comes to the mornings in our house and how Jaden and I deal with them.

No, I’m not going to go through and find all the examples but you know what I’m talking about if you’ve been reading this blog for a while. If you don’t and you don’t feel like reading through 4 years of babbling, let me sum it up thusly:

My co-workers LOVE hearing about my morning debates with Jaden. They are epic and while I end up getting her to get dressed and ready, there is a LOOOOOONG process involved that, while the details vary from day to day, is made up of these steps:

1.       I wake up

2.       I pick out the children’s clothes.

3.       Jonas wakes up and gets ready no problem.

4.       I wake Jaden up nicely and sweetly.

5.       My demeanor rapidly changes to that of a harpy.

6.       Jaden remains silent until she’s dressed then she’s happy and chipper while I seethe.

Last Thursday (a week ago today) was…well, here, let me tell you.

It was the coldest day of the season thus far. We woke up to -12 degrees (NOT the wind-chill reading might I point out) and I was less than thrilled. I picked out Jaden’s clothes and asked her nicely to” wake up, sweetie, it’s very cold so I need you to get up and ready so we can get out the door on-time if not early.” I left the room with a, “C’mon, J, get up,” and went to pick out Jonas’ clothes and make sure he went potty.

He did. Because he’s an angel. And totally my favorite.

Of course he wasn’t wearing any pants or underpants, but y’know, half of that battle was over while the one with Jaden was just beginning.

I went back to Jaden’s room and found her at least sitting upright and told her I was going to get dressed and when I came out of my room I wanted her in and back out of the bathroom and getting dressed herself. She came out of her room while I went into mine, knowing full well she would not be dressed even a little bit but hoping against hope she would be back in her room.

Coming out of the room, I say, “Jaden, did you go potty?”

“Yeah!” she calls from the bathroom. I sigh, hang my head and say, “Great. Now wipe your tushie, get back in your room and get dressed. Please.” She comes out of the bathroom wearing her jammie top and underpants. A couple minutes pass and I go into her room and find her sitting on her bed not moving. “Ok, your underpants, socks, and clothes are on your [bunk bed] ladder. Get dressed.”

Let’s skip ahead to when I was finished getting ready and had finished getting Jonas ready and went back to check on Jaden.


“JADEN?? What are you doing? It’s been 15 minutes and you haven’t done anything!”

Without a word, she lies back on her bed, legs up in the air and points with both hands at her crotch. She completes this lovely picture with a look on her face that clearly reads, “Hello? I changed my underwear.”

Livid, I execute a slow-cap, “Congratulations, you changed your underwear. Could you maybe put the rest of your clothes on now?”

Less than two minutes later she prances into the bathroom to brush her hair and teeth. TWO MINUTES! TWO MINUTES??! What the hell was she doing those 15 minutes before?

Lather. Rinse. Repeat for the next 8,000 years.

2 Responses

  1. My heart (and frustration) goes out to you!

    This was Tyson several moons ago and fortunately due to his fear of “Big Brother is Watching” i have been able to devise a plan that makes him move faster when asked to complete a task.

    Mornings used to be an uphill battle with him…very similar to yours…how can i pick out his clothes, get dressed, do hair and make-up and brush teeth all in the time that it takes him to just get undressed.

    The solution (for us) was to grab him and his clothes and throw them (and him) on my bed…which is right off of my bathroom. Him knowing that I can and will pop my head in every minute has caused paranoia in his mind and he’s now ready and getting his snack before I am done getting ready.

    Not saying this is the answer for you…but every child works in mysterious ways…i’m sure you’ll find the way that works best for J in no time!

  2. Have you ever tried letting her pick out her clothes?

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