No sympathy from anyone ever.

It’s no secret to anyone who’s been reading this blog or who has known me during my parenting years that my daughter has a flare for the dramatics. She has turned “tugging at the heart strings” into a fine art. My favorite remains: (after being denied a second glass of milk and being offered water instead), “You are the worstest mommy, and this is the worstest house with the worstest daddy and the worstest brother!” (Matt not even being home at the time and her poor brother quietly eating his dinner and not participating in the debate at all.)

This morning we had another run-in with La reine de drame (The queen of drama). She’s not a morning person by any definition of the phrase and any slight will send her head spinning and the accusations of lost-love flying. This morning it was us demanding that she put her friggen pants on. She went with her old stand-by of proclaiming that we are the worst parents ever and we don’t love her and she doesn’t love us either. We used to be hurt by this but, much like a certain wolf-crying boy, we simply can’t believe her anymore.  So, instead of talking about hurt feelings and other hippie lovey dovey crap, Matt offered to call Child Services and ask if they had a better set of parents that she could go live with. He returned a few minutes later and announced that they checked their records and said they apologize, but we are the best parents around so she’s stuck with us.

That morning bit (save for the calling Child Services part) is pretty standard in the house and hardly worth mentioning. To get the REALLY good stuff, you have to wait until dinner time (see above mentioned favorite).

The other night Matt made burritos and we all sat down to watch the kids not eat. We have stopped fighting on this one. Either they eat, or they go to bed. We’re done. This night was no different and so when Jaden said she didn’t want to eat the bean and cheese burrito, I told her she could just march straight into her room and go to bed. She said she wanted a story and I said she didn’t deserve a story. She upped her game to pounding her fist on the table and screaming, “I WANT A STORY!!” I calmly told her that was not how we ask for anything and asked her when in her nearly 6 years of life her demands had ever been met (save for infancy, of course). I sent her to her room again. She stomped off to her room screaming about how unfair life was blah blah blah and slammed her door.

That was the WRONG thing to do. Matt jumped up and went straight to her room and explained that slamming doors was not permitted and if she didn’t start appreciating how good she’s got it in this house, than we would start removing the things she’s been taking for granted. He closed the door quietly and she burst into hurt and affronted sobs. Each round of sobs punctuated by proclamations of how hard her life was and how nobody understood her. (SHE’S NOT EVEN 6 YEARS OLD!! DEAR GOD ABOVE!)

After a few minutes of this, I asked myself why I wasn’t filming it because it was GOLD. In favor of protecting my child’s dignity, I will not post the video here. I will provide a teleplay:

Mom: *tip-toes down the dark hallway to her daughter’s closed bedroom door. Turns camera on and hits “record”. Films the closed door as there is no way to open the door without ruining the scene.*

Jaden: “incoherent sobs

Mom: *tries to film under the door but only gets glimpses of a very messy room indeed*

Jaden: “*sob* My mouth is starting to hurt from all my crying! And nobody cares! *gasp/sob* My vocal-cord is going to break–*gasp/sob*–and nobody will care! Not mommy! Not daddy! *gasp/sob* And I don’t even know sign language!”

Mom: *camera shakes slightly as she suppresses her laughter.*


Jonas: *crouches next to mom and looks under the door* “Peaky-boo!”



7 Responses

  1. I think that’s pretty standard. With Inara it’s always “I want my way or I’m never coming back to Daddy’s house again!” or something to that effect. I think it’s a phase everyone goes through. It is incredibly frustrating though and I can already see shades of her teenage years poking through.

    I’m not looking forward to that period. 😦

  2. Ha! Yes, tough for you guys, but I love your kids! Peaky-boo!

  3. Well, at least we’re not alone? Although, looking at pics of Inara, I can’t imagine her saying anything like that!

  4. With Inara, it’s pretty much only when she’s really tired. She’s a total sweetheart 99% of the time. Lately though she’s been going through a pretty tough growth spurt so she’s been tired a lot. We’ve gone without nap time for long enough that it’s a hassle to reinstitute and so she’s just exhausted by mid-afternoon most days. That will pass soon, though. It helps a lot that Michelle lives here now, I think it makes her a lot happier which I’m so thankful for.

  5. That’s so wonderful that Inara and Michelle love each other so much 🙂 (Jaden’s awesome most of the time, too, but that 5% likes to overshadow the good.)

  6. Hah! Love it!

  7. Video!!!

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