It Happened One Night (and will keep happening for 6 more months.)

You may have heard that the mid-west has had some crazy strong winds the past few days, starting Tuesday. You’ve also had more than a few updates from those living in the mid-west describing just how crazy strong the winds were.
I won’t repeat them here. I’m just going to use them as a back drop for the craziness that was my Tuesday Evening/Wednesday morning. The whole 16 hour period was something of such epically stupid proportions that I just have to sum up with (several dozen) bullet points:
1. Matt and I both leave work at 4 Tuesday in order to meet each other at home so he can write a check for me to bring to Jaden’s martial arts class because I don’t know where I put my new check book. In hind-sight, we could’ve driven together but we forgot about the stupid check.
2. Matt calls me around 5 to say he is almost out of gas and is stuck on the new bridge roughly 10 minutes (in normal traffic) from home and is really worried he is going to run out of gas and screw up traffic even more than it is as there are no shoulders on the bridge.
3. Matt calls me at 5:10 to tell me to take another way because he hasn’t moved in 20 minutes.
4. I take a detour.
5. Detour has its own detour.
6. I call Matt to see where he’s at because if he’s closer, he can bring Jaden to martial arts. (we switch off weeks so we both can go.)
7. He’s not closer. He’s nearly lost his mind as he’s STILL on the bridge and has been for nearly an hour. It is now 5:35. Jaden’s class starts at 5:45.
8. I text Matt when I arrive at the cause of the traffic jam both North and South: a stop light is out.
9. I call my in-laws at 5:38 and ask to talk to Jaden. Father-in-Law tries to tease me and I snap, “REALLY, Bob? Do you REALLY want to start with me?” He sheepishly puts Jaden on the phone. I tell her I’ll be there in 30 seconds and if she wants to go to her class, she needs to be at the door with her jacket on.
10. Pick up Jaden and assure Jonas that Daddy will be picking him up really soon. Leave crying child behind while pushing the other one to move faster and ignore the wind!
11. I stop home hoping against hopes that my checkbook is by the phone.
12. IT IS!!!!!!
13. Drive to the school and call Matt who is pulling into a gas station (YAY!).
14. Arrive at class with 30 seconds to spare (yay!). Jaden sits in her line while I fill out the check and put it in the box.
15. Fun class: the kids have their first sparring session and it’s with their parents. Jaden’s highlight is sitting in my lap while waiting our turn. (awwwwww) I never get over the weird feeling “parents, choke your child” gives me.
16. Get home to Matt cooking dinner. While he finishes, I give Jaden the fastest bath EVER.
17. Matt learns a valuable cooking lesson and goes out for pizza.
18. We end up having a very enjoyable late pizza family dinner at the coffee table watching Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends.
19. BED TIME!
20. I wake up around 2:45 to someone saying: “It’s not fair.” I open my eyes and see Jaden sitting at the foot of the bed glaring at me, wind howling outside and the light from her bedroom night light peeking through our door way. I look to my side and see Jonas sleeping in the crook of my arm. I am confused.
21. “What? What’s going on? Jonas, what are you doing here? Jaden, what?”
22. “It’s not fair.”
23. “What’s not fair?”
24. “I wanted to sleep next to you.”
25. “Ok, I’ll just move Jonas over.” Jonas is sound asleep but I try to push him over.
26. Matt falls out of bed.
27. I lose it: “That’s it! Everyone is going back to their beds, now!”
28. I bring both kids back to their rooms while Matt tries to gather his wits and get back into bed. Pretty sure he’s more confused than I was.
29. Jaden bursts into tears. I get her a glass of water. She’s soothed and I tell her, “Good night, sweetie, I’ll see you in the morning.”
30. Crawl back into bed.
31. The next morning dawned, for lack of a gentler term, fricken cold. It was now sleeting, as in snow mixed with rain (We are not even two weeks into Autumn. THIS is MN weather. It always ALWAYS lulls you into a false sense of security with warm weather (80 this year! Except when, y’know, I want to do anything special outside like create special apple orchard memories. )the first half of October and then SLEETING two weeks later.).
32. I dig through the winter stuff looking for a hat for Jaden. I find TWO! And they both fit! I also find a coat her gramma bought her over the summer that is double layered. I take out the fleecy inside and put it inside her rain jacket. I am feeling pretty awesome, mom-wise.
33. Before I head back into the bathroom to get myself ready, I peak at her weekly class schedule out of curiosity, wondering what kind of fun counting related activity she’ll be doing today.
34. “Fall Party. Students will put their costumes on at 2:30.”
35. Fuck. Serves me right for being so cocky about the winter gear solution.
36. Run into Jaden’s closet to piece together her Power Puff Girl costume from last year because this year’s fairy costume includes wings Matt fabricated that have actual LED lights in them. Not something we want her putting on around 20 other kindergartners unsupervised.
37. Manage to find most of the costume (only missing one little shoe cover) and then spend the next 10 minutes trying to find an outfit she can easily change out of that can also be used for under the costume. Oh, also, white socks to wear with her black mary janes since, y’know, one boot cover thing was missing.
38. Jaden ends up wearing tan corduroy pants and a brown t-shirt with grey leggings and a white turtle neck underneath to be worn under her costume (Note: She ended up taking off BOTH shirts before putting on her costume and I’m surprised she didn’t catch pneumonia when it was time to go home because the “dress” is, literally, made from craft felt. I totally felt like George Bailey when he yells at Zsu-Zsu’s teacher for letting her go out into the snow with her jacket open because she didn’t want to crush her award flower. Only I didn’t go off on the teacher.)
39. Out we merrily stagger to the car where Matt reminds me we need to make sure Jaden brings a note to her teacher saying it’s ok that his sister brings her home.
40. “Fuck!” (out of earshot of the kids, don’t worry.)
41. He says not to worry, his mom has the note and he’s already signed it. I put said note in her snack bag where she would be sure to see it and give it to her teacher. (Note: The kids didn’t HAVE a snack that day because of the party and so Jaden never opened her bag, thus forgot about the note and I got a call from the school asking if it was ok that her aunt bring her home.)
42. After dropping the kids off, we go to the gas station where the wind and sleet whip my skirt and scarf around and nearly blow the hat off my head.
43. Traffic doesn’t move. I’m 30 minutes late to work.
44. I sigh and think, “And so the winter season begins.”

I’m really not sure we’re going to survive this one.

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2 Responses

  1. Ok, the George Bailey reference went straight over my head. Especially since I keep thinking of George Forman.

    Also, dang, you’re patient. You even looked sane when you got to work yesterday! Somehow…

  2. you’re lucky, i cannot send notes, you must call the school to tell them any change of plans for their departure. I love this story only because I see that being a single mom doesn’t make my life frantic and crazy…its that way for almost any parent …even if they have help 😀

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