Old and New Drafts Come Together Under One Post

If you’ve been keeping up with my increasingly infrequent blog posts, you will know that roughly a month ago my mommy got married. Her new husband has since moved in and they are now going through laborious task of combining their respective collections of 20+ years “Pre-Them” items. A result of this is, my household is receiving much of the spoils. (whee! Garage full of stuff we can’t fit in the house!) (Yet. As Cinderella’s step-sister Drisella said, “I’ll make it fit!”) One item is a vegetable steamer that was part of a set of pots and pans my mom received from her first husband back in 1986 or something.

Never used.

Stainless steel.

Still has the “Heat Resistant Handle” sticker on it.

It’s shiny. And pretty.

(It really doesn’t take much to make me happy.)

Last night I wanted to show Matt the shiny new vegetable steamer but as I was bending down to get it out of the cupboard, my knee started hurting. And then again as I put it back and was digging around for the lid. Being me, I whined and groaned and stood back up again. “Oh, my knee! Ow! Woe!”

Matt: “You’re getting old, babe.”

Me: “Yeah yeah. Seriously, what’s with my knee?”

Jaden: “Are you getting old, mama?”

Me: “Yes, Jaden, I am.”

Jaden: “If you get too old, will you die?”

Me: “That’s generally how it goes, yup.”

Matt: “If we’re all really lucky, that is.”

Jaden: “Ok.”

It’s nice that she’s so accepting of these hard truths.


Our children have an over abundance of toys. I’ve mentioned this before but I’m really not sure where they all come from. Matt took all of Jaden’s stuffed animal friends off her bed last week and counted. All told, Jaden had over THIRTY (30) stuffed animal friends that she slept with every night. Plus the cat. He put his foot down and said she can only have three each night. The rest are residing on her closet floor. I told him we’ll need to find a better place for them as the hanging basket column thing she had was too small and already housed 10 or so other friends that she DOESN’T sleep with every night and she’d torn it down in a fit of rage the other day. (see following story)

Since these are all Jaden’s “Chosen Few”, we can’t just chuck them out or donate them (which we will be doing with the 10-20 animals that are in the toybox in the basement) (really, I don’t know where these all came from!). Matt suggested a giant hanging net thing. I then declared “No Toys This Christmas” as the rule.

Well, that rule has already been broken and Matt wants to get her this Leap Frog Reader thing, which isn’t really a toy but more of a learning tool disguised as a toy. And he wants to get Jonas a little activity chair thing which, again, not really a toy but more of a little Jonas-size piece of furniture so he doesn’t have to sit on his ride along dump truck when he’s watching his Baby Einstein video.  Before you get all, “Oh, but kids need toys for christmas!” I’m going go interrupt you and say, “No, no they don’t. Not from us, anyway. They’ll be getting plenty from other people. From us they’re getting pajamas (see second story below), books, bedding, and socks. They’ll be fine. They don’t have The Greedies. The most Jaden will ask for are I Spy Books. Besides, Xmas isn’t about toys, it’s about family and cookies.”

I love defending myself against imagined attacks. Gives me a sense of self-righteousness I’ve been lacking.


Wow. That was all a draft I started back on December 3 and forgot about. I don’t remember the other stories I was going to share about Jaden except one that ended with her throwing a tantrum in her room wearing nothing but a lime-green tutu. That was good.

So let’s move on to what’s taken up most of this month. No, not Christmas. (although it was a major backdrop to the month and ours went off with no major hitches and my family loved the vegetarian meal I prepared for them. They were also prepared for The Crazy that comes over me in the two hours before and 30 minutes after guests arrive and my mom took my, “NO! NO HAM!” outburst with good humor. Thanks, mom!)

I’m talking about The Illness.

It all started at Thanksgiving when first Jaden and then Jonas came down with some sort of flu. Jonas had to skip Thanksgiving this year and nearly had to skip Christmas as well because as soon as we got over the Thanksgiving Flu, he was struck with a cold that led to a double ear infection that has led to whatever the hell was coming out of his eyes last night and another fever. Same cold? New cold? Who knows? What I do know is Matt and I both caught the cold. Matt also developed an ear infection (10 days before he has insurance again, I MIGHT ADD.) that he’s still fighting. I refused to let my body succumb to this pansy cold, dammit, as I had a Christmas dinner to prepare and relatives’ houses to drag my one healthy and two non-healthy family members to.

Alas, it has gotten the better of me. Yesterday, I was not doing so good. I left work all ready to get the kids, eat some frozen pizza and crawl into bed with my new Calvin and Hobbes collection. That all happened except there were moments of rocking my sweet feverish baby boy while he played with his sister’s new toy blender (“Here, Jonas,” she offered sweetly, “You can cook now.” Her current angel phase was perfectly timed. She told me twice that she was sorry I was sick. Sweet girl.) and then later Matt and I took turns trying to comfort him as his whole body stiffened and he screamed with intense gas pains. After the pain subsided, he sat in my lap, I petted his hair that had dried straight up and kissed his cheek as he pointed at the pics in his latest favorite book and I told him the names (point “Shirt.” point “Shoes.” point “Pants.” turn page, point “Bird.” point “Tiger.” point “Bird.” point “Bird.” point “Bird.” point “Tiger.”).

Today, I’m back at work, feeling The Illness flow through my body and am having dreams of my bed again.

When I get home, I’ll order it to chill the fuck out because I have to take The Mister to the doctor and then make sure he’s sleeping soundly in his bed. His Illness takes precedence.


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