Wish

To be the one taking Jaden to her first dance class. Alas, work hours prevent this. I didn’t realize how much I wanted to be there for this milestone until I wrote that opening sentence. I remember the one class I took outside of school: piano lessons. I was in the 2nd grade and my cousin and I were offered lessons, paid for by our grandpa who wanted musicians in the family to follow in his steps. (Little did he know that the only way he would get those musicians would be via marriage as there is not a musical bone in either my cousin’s nor my own body.)

I remember walking into my piano teacher’s living room and waiting my turn at the keyboard. My heart pounded as I approached the bench and placed my hands in my lap, afraid to touch the gleaming white keys.

My mom was there that first day. Every week after that, she waited for us in the car. She could’ve held our hands all the way up the stairs and down the hall and to the bench itself every week. She chose to let us face this challenge on our own, perhaps to help me get over my crippling shyness. (Joke’s on her: I still have crippling shyness. Take that, mom!) (My cousin never seemed to have this problem. Bitch.) I see this shyness in Jaden sometimes and I worry. I don’t want her to be afraid to try new things because of the chance she’ll make a complete ass of herself. I don’t want her to give up as soon as it gets too hard (“Music Theory? Practicing for hours instead of…not practicing for hours?” the 11 year old Marcoda thought, “Forget that.” To this day my grampa shakes his head in disappointment at what was lost.).

POINT: I wanted to put her tights, leotard, and shoes on. I wanted to put her hair up in a bun and clip all her stray hairs back in the flower barrette. I wanted to hold her hand the first time she walked into the dance studio, let her know I’m proud of her for trying and give that little hand to her teacher.

Then go back to the car and play on etsy for an hour.

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One Response

  1. Thanks a lot…I’m outright crying now! You’re there in spirit and she knows it!

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