Gross or Genius?

Someone once told me “There are no original ideas, just original ways of carrying out those ideas”. It was my cousin’s husband (I never know what that makes him to me. Cousin-in-law? Awesome Guy?) and we were talking about stories and movies.

Another someone told me that we’re all connected on a higher plane and once one person has an idea it goes out into that plane where it gets latched onto other people and ideas and that’s why when you think you’ve got an original idea, shortly after that you’ll notice someone else carrying out that idea. This person was an old co-worker that I’m pretty sure did a lot of drugs back in his “band” days. He also said Yanni stole his long hair and goatee look.

I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a “confessions” post to get out all the icky things I feel guilty about. Nothing serious (sorry, I’m not having a torrid affair with Hondo.) just “I feel like an inadequate mom because _______.” kind of stuff. What a downer though, right? Then I thought about confessing some less than stellar cleaning habits I have* but do I really want to nast everyone out like that?

YES!

But not all at once. I’ll start with the confession that started this thought process a couple weeks ago. (Thank you, Finslippy, for giving me the courage to carry out this idea in my own original way. I swear I thought about this before I read your much better written post around the same thing.)

Showering

Best to do this quick like a band-aid. Here goes.

I go days without showering. I try to squeeze in two a week. Gross? Maybe but hear me out: I’m not a smelly person and I work in a damn office building. It’s not like I’m spreading tar over new highways all day. Plus, I only wear clothes once (maybe twice if it was only worn for a couple hours the first time) before washing them so it’s not like I’m walking around in fish-smelling sweaters and poop stained jeans. You could think of my less-frequent showering as the balance to all the water used for my clothes washing.

You see, it’s gotten to the point that the majority of my morning is spent chasing Jonas out of some sort of mischief or another. This loss prevention (property and life) has cut my getting ready time in half. Yes, I can repeat that for you: HALF of my morning is spent keeping the fastest 11 month old ever to be 11 months old in the entire span of human existence out of the toilet and the kitchen cupboard where we keep the garbage (child-resistant locks, you say?). With this significant chunk of time taken away I’ve had to resort to choosing which part of my body gets to be so fresh and so clean clean on any given day. Here’s the new cleansing schedule I’ve had to adopt:

Day 1: Wash hair by kneeling in front of the bath tub and worshiping the faucet. Dry and style (in the very loosest definition of the word).

Day 2: Shower without getting hair wet thus cutting out hair drying time.

Day 3 (or on the eve of Day 1 or Day 2): Shave legs by sitting on the edge of the tub.

Yesterday I managed to wash my hair AND shave my legs because I am all powerful. 

Really, if you think about it, I’m actually cleaning myself everyday in some capacity.

I feel much better now. Thank you.

P.S. You really don’t want to know what my house cleaning schedule is.

*(Did you know people actually wash their shower curtains and don’t just replace them when they’re too gross to ignore anymore? I just learned this the other day. Swear to god.)

Advertisements

3 Responses

  1. You’re just balancing out all the water your husband uses watering the lawn. This makes you a good person. And you totally don’t smell!

    Did you know back in the 1600s people only used to bathe once every six months or so? I’m sure this is a true fact.

    And I only washed the shower curtain because somehow (and I’m still trying to figure out how this happened) one of my cats peed on it. How? How??

  2. I am super lazy about showering. I love to be clean but there are days that I go two days without showering for no other reason than I’d rather read or go to the farmers market or go to sleep. You at least have the luxury of blaming young children. I have no excuses besides lazyness. And to make you feel even better and make myself look totally disgusting- I will ride my bike ten miles home from work, put comfy dry clothes on my sweaty body, throw them in the hamper at night and then use them again several days in a row when I get home from work. Sweat is not the worst thing in the universe- what’s that underarm perfume stick thingy is for, right?

  3. well, i shower slightly more than you but i wear all my clothes (except socks and underwear) until they either stink or are visibly dirty…sometimes I still wear them if they’re dirty but don’t stink. I frequently wear a pair of jeans for two weeks straight!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: