Not my finest moment

Mornings are hectic for every family. For the most part we can all handle them fairly well. Every once and a while we reach our limit. 

This morning I reached mine.

Let’s start with Jonas waking up at 12:11am and Matt and I both trying to calm him down and get him back to sleep. Jonas was inconsolable, unless I was holding him. It took me 15 minutes of soothing and rocking to finally get him to accept his bottle and go to sleep. I stumbled back into bed; Matt marveled at how I got him to sleep. “Don’t marvel yet.” I said.

Sure enough: just as I fell back to sleep Jonas woke up and I stormed into his room. “Fine! You win! I can’t do this anymore!” I cried out and brought him into bed with us. Nestled securely in mom’s arm, he fell asleep within 5 minutes. The rest of the night was spent repositioning my arm and continuously checking him to make sure his face wasn’t covered by a pillow or blanket. At some point Jaden arrived and I added, “make sure Jaden doesn’t flail arms into Jonas.” to my list of nightly duties.

5:30: time to shower

6:00: Jonas crawls into bathroom.

6:10: I finish drying my hair, ask Jaden to go potty while I get clothes for Jonas

6:11: See Jonas has spit up on the bathroom floor but it’s clear. “Did you spit up water?” I ask thinking “that doesn’t seem right”.

6:12 Start changing Jonas’ diaper in the hallway (on beige carpeting) and discover that’s not water/spit up all over his pants. It’s pee. And poop.

6:12:35 Race to Jonas’ bedroom and the non-carpeted changing table while shrieking for Matt to get up and get a bath ready for Jonas:

“WHY?!”

“He’s got poop all over him! Why the hell else would he need a bath right now?”

6:15: Fastest bath ever while Matt gets Jaden dressed.

The next 30 minutes are a blur but at the end of them three out of the four members of the family are dressed and ready to go but I’m still in pants and a bra and Jonas won’t let me put him down for 1 minute so I can get dressed. “Too bad, kiddo, you’re just going to have to cry.” Matt gets Jaden’s shoes on while I first put a sweater on (Jonas screaming on the bed) and then brush my teeth (Jonas screaming on the bathroom floor).

6:48: I loose it. Picking up Jonas I let out a low gutteral scream, holding back just enough volume as to not deafen my son.

6:50: I hand Jonas to Matt who’s looking very concerned. I assure him that I’m not mad at him, I’ve just reached my limit and needed to scream before I hit something. He brings the kids out to the car while I take 30 seconds to calm the fuck down and not cry all over the coffee mugs.

6:52: Deep breath. Select the brown mug because it matches my sweater.

6:54: Buckle Jaden’s seat belt and kiss her cheeks about 20 times and tell her over and over that I love her and I’m not mad at her.

6:55: Hug Matt and appologize for my outburst.

6:56: Kiss Jonas about 20 times and appologize for losing my patience with him.

6:57: Back out of the drive way and start the day

I hate it when this happens. My rational side, who knows that it’s wrong to yell (even indirectly) at an infant, is shouted down quite literally by the irrational side who wants to scream into a pillow but there’s not even time for that.

It’s days like today that I remind myself over and over that I’m a lucky woman who has a beautiful, wonderful family and I shouldn’t let these little things get the better of me.  However, even grown ups need to throw a tantrum every once and a while.

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