The Year of “The Talk”

Do you know how many “Big Talks” I’ve had with Jaden this year? Three that I can remember:

 

The “Don’t Smoke” Talk

The “Don’t Lie” Talk

The “Private Area” Talk

 

How many more talks can we possibly have before Jaden turns 4?

 

First, let’s add one more to the list of “Talks Already Covered”:

 

The “They’re Just Jealous” Talk.

 

Friday Morning:

I was having issues with my hair not drying correctly. Risking looking like a 28 Year Old Mom Who Still Wears Pig Tails (OMG, Look At Her.) I put my hair in pigtails.

 

Perhaps the fact that my 3 year old saw my hair and announced she wanted her hair to be pretty too should tip me off that I am in fact too old for pigtails.

 

(But, she thought I was pretty!)

 

Being all too happy to do her hair, I put in two very cute piggie tails and brought her to school. At school, Jaden has been making great strides during the morning “Drop Off”. No more crying, a few hugs and off she’ll go to play with the other kids. Friday she hid her face in her hands and refused to look at anyone. Keeping up a cheerful attitude, I asked her to waive to me from the window. She waived, I waived and I saw her go off to play with the other kids.

 

I think that was the highlight of her day.

 

Matt and the kids arrived home later that day 5 minutes after me and Jaden rushed to my arms.

 

“Hey, sweetie!” I hugged her, my mommy-senses tingling.

“The other Jaden said my hair wasn’t pretty.” Jaden’s face crumpled up and she cried just the smallest bit. No sobbing, just tears that she’d been holding back and was finally able to let out.

 

Matt was shocked, “What? You didn’t tell me that, sweetie.”

 

(Looking back I have to wonder if Jaden thought this was a “girl thing” or thought maybe daddy wouldn’t understand?)

 

We both hugged her and explained that it doesn’t matter what other people think.

 

“Do you like your piggie tails?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“And you’re smart and funny and awesome.” “The other Jaden was just jealous.”

 

“Jealous?”

 

“Yes, do you know what jealous means?”

 

“No.”

 

“It’s when someone wishes they had something you have. That little girl probably wanted piggie tails too and instead of being nice and telling you how pretty they look, she said that mean thing.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Next time someone says something mean to you, you just tell them it doesn’t matter what they say because you are awesome! Ok?”

 

“Ok.”

 

We’re not sure if what we said made any sense to her because Matt found her crying on the swing set later that evening.

 

It still bothers me that a three or four year old would say something like that. Dude, I’ve been on that end of the teasing cycle and I really hoped my kids wouldn’t have to go through that. I also didn’t think (again! Jeez, marcoda, wake up!) that we’d have to deal with this so soon.

 

Then there’s the part of me (the very small but sometimes very loud part) that’s still 10 years old and thinks that everything would be better and kids wouldn’t pick on her if she had “cool clothes”. Which is BS. You know it, I know it. But still. Flashes of the future where both of my kids come home crying because some jerk kid with a low self esteem decides to pull my kids down keep racing through my head. The hard part is knowing this isn’t something I can shield them from. All Matt and I (and any parent) can do is raise our kids to have a healthy enough ego to embrace who they are and be able to shake all of those mean things off their little shoulders and charge on ahead.

 

So many things outside our control. We can only hope the things we can control will be enough.

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