How to Eat Lunch the Marcoda Bingmar Way

1) Get some super yummy looking Chicken and Wild Rice soup in the neighborhood Cub Deli while searching for a vegetable tray for Jewelry Party you’re hosting tonight.

2) Pick out a package of super yummy looking Green Apples with Yogurt Fruit Dip in the neighborhood Cub Produce section while searching for chopped vegetables to make your own damn veggie tray because, seriously?? $18 for carrot sticks and dill dip?

3) Add cheap super sized Almond Joy to basket. It’s Super and Yummy!

4) Purchase food and head back to office where you will sit down at at your desk and proceed to eat your super yummy looking soup.

5) Spit out slimy gross onion you discover in your first bite. Freak out when you find many many more slimy gross onion pieces in your soup.

6) Cry and whine to co-worker who sympathizes completely and offers you an Easy Mac meal, which you decline because, dammit! You want soup!

7) Painstakingly pick out slimy gross onion pieces from luke warm soup.

8 ) Eat cold and no-longer-super-or-yummy-looking soup. Half way through realize today is “Wild Rice Soup Day” at the company cafeteria which is both Super Yummy and Super Cheap. Curse the gods and throw away spoon and empty bowl.

9) Take out Super Yummy Looking Green Apples and Yogurt Dip.

10) Stop eating the Slimy Gross Mushy apple slices.

11) Lament at how unfair the world is like the spoiled american brat you are.

12) Dip finger in Yogurt Dip because that’s still good.

13) Wipe yogurt dip off your desk.

14) Dip one of the Almond Joy pieces in the yogurt.

15) It’s not as Angel Choir Singing as you’d hope but you’re not a quitter so you dip it in again.

16) Lose almond in the dip.

17) Curse yourself for throwing your soup spoon away (see Step 8).

18) Use Coke Bottle Cap to dig out the Lost Almond.

19) Lose Coke Bottle Cap in the dip.

20) Dig cap out with your fingers.

21) Type panic-laden IM to co-worker.

22) Get yogurt dip all over your keyboard.

23) Give up on lunch and throw the whole mess away. Wipe down keyboard.

24) 20 minutes later find roll you forgot you bought.

25) 90 minutes later remember you still haven’t eaten the roll.

26) Post “How To Guide” on lame Interweb Diary.

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