Life in slow motion

It happened this morning. The one thing that happens to practically every baby and mom and every one says it’s not your fault and it happens to every one but it doesn’t make you feel any better. Even if you yourself have said those comforting words that sound so hollow when you’re on the receiving end.

This morning after I got Jonas dressed I went into J’s room to dig through the baskets of clean clothes and look for a bib. Perhaps this is really a lesson in “putting the damn clean clothes away when they come out of the dryer instead of hiding them in your daughter’s room when you have company coming.” I sat Jonas on J’s bed with one of her Ugly Dolls and bent to search through the basket.

You know what’s coming, don’t you?

So did I. But that didn’t stop it from happening.

I heard the softest sound of fabric rubbing against fabric and turned to see Jonas rolling out of his sitting position and off the bed.

I was less than two feet away and everything slowed down. I could see him falling, back facing me and I slowly reached out to grab him and missed.

He landed with a thud on the hard wood floor and we both burst into tears.

Matt came flying out of the bathroom and cried out, “What happened? Where is he?” He thought Jonas had rolled off the changing table which would’ve been much worse as he would’ve hit his head on the way down.

He also could’ve fell off the foot of Jaden’s bed  and hit his head several times on the way down.

As it was he fell flat smack on his face, forehead first on the floor without hitting anything else and was screaming while I sobbed and appologized over and over to whoever would listen.

While I held him as tight as I could without squeezing the breath out of him and rocked him, he seemed so small and yet so solid.

He got over it much faster than I did.

I could barely look Matt in the eye as he checked his forehead and face. I’d failed.

I know it happens. I’ve said “it happens. it’s not your fault.” to other moms.

Knowing I’m not the first mom who turned her fucking back for 30 seconds to dig through a fucking basket of clothes doesn’t make me feel any less stupid. It was my fault.

I’m so sorry, Wonderboy.

Where the hell was this bib at 6:30 this morning?

Where the hell was this bib at 6:30 this morning?


2 Responses

  1. Yes, it definitely happens in slow motion…and it’s okay, you’re a good mom. I remember when Claire fell off the bed. It happened in slow motion and I remember thinking “what is that bit of pink floating off the side of the bed…?”. Thump, wwwwwwaaaaaaaahhhhhh.

  2. […] Life in slow motion […]

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