How to spend $1000 in less than 24 hours on things you don’t NEED (but really really WANT)

Months in advance, have a drunken conversation with your best gal pal about how much fun it would be to have another kitty especially since your current kitty seems so lonely. Make sure you’re not serious at all when you drunkenly drag your husband into the conversation.

Make the mistake of telling your mom about this conversation and have her offer to buy your daughter a kitty for christmas. FORBID mother to do this. Mention it to your husband who is already starting to see itty bitty paws in his dreams. Tell him that MAYBE you’ll get a cat when you receive your bonus from work.

Spend next month emailing pics of kittens rescued by various agencies to your husband and Gal Pal. Make sure they send some back to you to further ingrain the desire to have a kitty, even though you’ll still have reservations.

MEANWHILE: Two weeks before the fore mentioned bonus is to arrive, find out one of your favorite bloggers is having a book signing in Chicago and start planning an overnight trip to Chicago with Gal Pal. Go so far as to have Gal Pal find super awesome deal for hotel and airline tickets. Tell husband your planning a trip to Chicago because you need a nice break and he got to go camping and it’s not fair and WAH!

This is the crucial component to ensuring your success: Husband out of the fricken clear blue sky says, “You could do that or you could get a lap top.” Spend all of two hours debating and much much more time feeling terrible about canceling the not quite set in stone trip to Chicago and decide to go with the laptop.

Spend next two weeks scouring the internet for good deals on laptops and trying not to worry about buying another dud like you did for your husband two Christmases ago.

The Big Day: Your bonus check magically arrives two weeks before you were planning on it. Spend much time at work looking at pics of kitties (again) and arrange for Gal Pal to come over around 6pm to watch baby so you, husband and first born can go look at kitties. At 6:10 tell husband to calm the hell down, Gal Pal will be here soon. 6:15 call Gal Pal because husband is seriously going all Lenny on you with excitement. 6:30 head out with husband and first born to the first stop.

First stop should end up being your last stop because the first thing you will see is a pile of 8 week old kittens sleeping soundly, save one little girl kitty who’s hopping around all cute like. First Born announces she wants the orange one but unfortunately he’s a boy and you want a girl due to past traumatic male cat ownership. The one kitten who’s jumping around is the one you end up getting:

The Second Kitty
The First Part of the $1000
Your first born will name her "Meena"

Your first born will name her "Meena"

She is smaller than your husband's foot

She will be smaller than your husband's foot

Your first cat, Polly, will not be thrilled with the new addition and will proceed to lay the smack down, but will keep the claws in so you let nature take it’s course. By the time you’ve completed your $1000 spending spree, she will have developed an indifference for the wee kitten that the kitten will take advantage of and try to break through by puffing up all big and fluffy and hopping sideways trying to start a fight. Meena is a bit of a dare devil so watch out.

"What? One sweet,gorgeous cat wasn't enough for you people?"

"What? One sweet,gorgeous cat wasn't enough for you people?"

The baby, on the other hand,

He will love her

He will love her

They will have similar curiosity for the world around them.

They will have similar curiosity for the world around them.

Now that you’ve taken care of the first part of your spending spree, make sure you stay up much too late watching the second season of  Heroes and drinking wine so you’ll be completely sleep deprived when you head out the next morning for the second part: the lap top.

This will happen all rather quickly so be prepared: Your husband will take you to Microcenter where you will tell a Nice Man there what you want and what your budget is. He will hold his laughter in and politely inform you that you will not get what you want for that price. He shows you what you want and it’s near your price range but still over shooting it by $250. You and your husband would like to continue feeding your family this week but you’d also like to go home with something shiny that you can play Sims 3 and Neverwinter Nights 2 on the couch with. While you two decide what to do, the Nice Man comes back with a computer print out of a slightly smaller model that’s the same price out the door as the after-rebate price you and your husband were about to take out a second mortgage for and which is only $100 more than you wanted to spend plus it comes with a $50 rebate. Success! Quick! Pay and get the hell out before someone realizes the family is on their last roll of toilet paper and tries to put the Shiny Happiness back on the shelf!

Hug dull brown box containing Shiny Happiness all the way home.

I shall call her Stella

You shall call her "Stella"

"STELLA!"

"STELLA!"

And that, dear readers, is how to spend $1000 in just under 18 hours.

Money Well Spent

Money Well Spent

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4 Responses

  1. Job well done….both Meena and Stella are very beautiful…..now why are you not in the office for the next three days?

  2. MIL still has Jury Duty. I took three days last week and two days this week. Matt’s grabbing the rest. *sigh* I do so love playing house wife (seriously)

  3. […] days or so during which I had money. My big bonus plan (and thank you for the money-spending tips, Marcoda) was to buy a new laptop, so Dan and I went shopping (at the laptoppery?). I didn’t find […]

  4. […] all may know that I’m extremely susceptible to suggestion and so it will come as no surprise to you that upon seeing this pic, I wanted a […]

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