“Let’s be friends forever.”*


Last week Jaden switched "her spot" at the table to the opposite end. We don't know why.

Living with a three year old is akin to watching an episode of Kids in the Hall:  the punchlines come out of nowhere and will leave you wondering where the heck they came up with that one.

I wish I could have a camera on Jaden at all times because me transcribing these are just not the same as hearing her say them live. I’ve tried catching moments on video but the girl seems to be caught in a stage of “camera shy” that I, quite frankly, don’t understand.

So, here are a few of my favorite recent “Adventures of Jaden Sassypants” episodes as recounted by me, the Life Bringer:

Jaden was sitting at her grandmother’s kitchen table requesting a waffle with butter and powdered sugar, no syrup.

Jaden: “And cut it up.”
Gramma: “ok, I’ll cut it up.” (cuts it into quarters and places the plate in front of Jaden.)
Jaden: “No, cut it into little tiny pieces!” (demonstrates by making a very tiny square shape with her finger tips.)
Gramma: “ok, ok. Sorry.” (cut the quarters into little pieces.)
Jaden: “Oh, what would I do without you?”


Jaden has gotten some new medication for her eczema but prior to that we were using some oil a friend of ours had picked up over the counter for her son who also has eczema. Matt would put some in her bath water and then lube her up after the bath.

One evening Matt was finishing her bath and called to me to bring her jammies. I bring the jammies and a clean towel into the bathroom where I see Jaden still naked as the day she was born standing on the bath mat and Matt liberally applying oil to her legs.

Then, with a grand hand gesture in the direction of the oil, Jaden says in what can only be described as a very “Regal” tone, “May I have my oil, puh-lease?”


Defiantly eating raw veggies

Defiantly eating raw veggies instead of the cooked peas which she requested.

We have a clock in our living room that has a nice pendulum. The pendulum is strictly for show as the battery wore out but the clock itself still told the correct time (as far as our dimension is concerned, anyway.). I have no idea how long this pendulum wasn’t…pendulating but it had been awhile. So long in fact that when Matt replaced the battery shortly before Christmas, Jaden was so overcome with joy that she thanked him profusely:
“Oh, daddy! You fixed the clock! That makes my heart so happy! Thank you!”

I have to wonder if she watches a lot of anime at her gramma’s house…


I got a new jewelry box from Matt for christmas. This was a big deal because the only jewelry box I had was some tiny little thing that I got when was 9 or something. It had one tiny drawer and the tiny top opened up to reveal a tiny place for (tiny) rings and (tiny) other things. My jewelry resided where ever the hell I put it when I took it off (gee, I don’t know why Matt won’t buy me my Garnet choker). When I got the new jewelry box I cleaned out the old one and gave it to J. All that was in there were left over wallet size senior pics of mine and some of my old drivers licenses. Jaden saw the senior pics and commented on my long hair:
Jaden: “Look at your pretty hair!”
Me: “Yeah, my hair’s long there, isn’t it?”
Jaden: “Yeah! It’s very pretty!”
Me: “Thank you, Jaden. That’s very nice.”
Jaden: (in the sweetest most genuine voice) “You love yourself, don’t you?”

Ouch, kid, way to call me out on my GIANT FREAKIN EGO.


Speaking of my ego (please, dear god, I hope you all have caught on that all my ego talk is completely tongue in cheek.) I am rocking the 30 Day Shred. Just completed Day 6 and in it Jillian says something about those on their 5th or 6th days are noticing the change in endurance. It’s true! I’m not
wishing for death nearly as much as the first day AND instead of falling flat on my face and whimpering into the carpet, I’m completing 10 push ups on the first run and 5 on the second. This is huge: I’m not exaggerating with the whimpering on my face stuff.


Red eye removed via Marcoda's mad Photoshop Elements 2.0 skills.

And I credit all of my success to Jaden’s coaching. She’s joined on a couple of them. The first time she worked most of the routines that she could but after a bit she got bored with them and started followed in Jillian’s steps:  She is now our on-site instructor. After a brief demonstration, she comes around
to check on progress:
“Now, let’s go check on mommy.”
“Legs in the air like that, good.”
“Don’t strain. If you strain, you get hurt.”
“Just a little more. You’re doing good.”

I wonder if 3 is too young to release her own work out DVD. She could change lives, I’m sure of it.

*Today when Matt brought her home I was holding her and telling her I missed her and loved her and all that squishy goodness and Jaden made this statement. I told her I would love to be friends forever and held back the urge to ask her if she’ll still want to be my friend in 10 years…


2 Responses

  1. When Jaden was over at our house and had finally managed to track down Banjo (her goal for most of the night, “Where is Banjo? Where did Banjo go?” “I’m not sure, but there’s Maggie!” “Huh. Where is Banjo? Where did Banjo go? Is Banjo in the kitchen?”), she was so excited to see that Banjo has green eyes, “just like mommy!!!” So congratulations, you have kitty eyes!

  2. I’ve always wanted kitty eyes. Who knew I had them all along? I feel like the Tinman.

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