Er’rybody Get Random


“I dare you to make less sense.”- Dean Venture

 I’m feeling a little random today. I want to post about the Amazing J-Bird but I also want to talk about me.

Aren’t I sweet?

So here’s the format for today:

Random things that make me unnaturally happy in italics.

Random Jaden stories in regular font.

Doesn’t want to meet Santa- We’re naughty naughty parents. We’ve been pulling the “be good or Santa won’t come and bring you presents” bit. To be fair we’ve also threatened to return the presents already under the tree. That makes us good parents, right? Just mean? I’m ok with that.

People have started asking what Jaden wants for Christmas. For a long time all I could get out of her was “Littlest Pet Shop”. Monday she added “a ball” to the list. She’s a girl of refined taste. Getting tired of making up a list for her and figuring she’s seen enough toy ads to know what she really wants, I told her the other day that we’re going to bring her to see Santa so she should figure out what she wants.

Her face went all panicky and her eyes got all wide: “But I don’t want to meet Santa!”

What kid doesn’t want to meet Santa? Have I mentioned she doesn’t like pizza or ketchup either? She’s not normal, I know,  but I needed a real reason this time. She couldn’t be afraid; her own grandpa is sporting a very nicely trimmed white beard and has dug out the santa hat so she’s not freaked out by that (I think.).

“Why don’t you want to meet Santa? He’s really nice.”

“Because he’s not a girl!”

“Well, no…he’s not…but…he brings you presents!”

–I just this minute realized what a stupid argument that was. “Don’t take presents from strange men unless he’s fat man in a white beard and a red suit and goes ‘ho ho ho’.” (guess the christmas special that quote is from for extra points!)–

Matt chimed in that Mrs. Claus is a girl and she’d be there. She wasn’t convinced. Her school is have a non-denominational holiday celebration next week where Santa will be making an appearance and taking pics with kids. I’m hoping the semi-familiar setting will ease her apprehension.

Walking into a stall and not finding leavings of the previous occupant.


Playing Kung Fu Panda- Awhile back I went home sick from work, picked up the kids and, showcasing the grand parenting skills I possess, put in Kung-Fu Panda for Jaden and curled up on the couch with Jonas to rest.


Through out the movie and afterwards Jaden demonstrated the bad ass kung-fu skills she had now learned. She must’ve gotten bored with her ass-kickingness because she moved on to noodle making.


“C’mon, mommy, let’s play Kung-poo Panda!” Holding out a piece of stray bubble wrap she said, “You had the noodle dream! Let’s go back to work.”


I’m not sure what this says about my daughter’s life ambitions but I’m viewing it as a positive: I will sieze any opportunity to get free noodles.


Lady Sovereign. She makes me bop like a 15 year old white girl at her first hip hop concert.


On Hannah Montana: Not sure if you figured this out about me but I don’t like Hannah Montana. I can’t pin point the reason because the whole concept bugs the shit out of me. Perhaps it’s the over marketing of this young girl to other impressionable young girls. Because American Idol wasn’t enough to balloon a young girl’s expectations to make it big as a pop star?


A few weeks ago Jaden informed me she wanted to be a pop star. I died a little inside. Matt said, “As long as I’m the one writing your songs.”


We were looking through something the other day and Jaden caught a Hannah Montana-something-or-other and cried, “That’s Hannah Montana!”


“yeah?” her mom replied non-committally.


“Yeah. I like Hannah Montana.”


“Oh, you do?”




“Have you seen her show?”




“What does she do on her show?” Honestly, I don’t have a clue having never seen a minute of the program. From what I gather she lives the life of a “normal” girl by day then dons a blonde wig, sings, and swings said blonde wig at night. Like Batman, but much much lamer.


“She sings…and twirls her hair!”


“She sings and twirls her hair?”




So I got it half right.


This koosh ball I stole—borrowed from my team’s food table.


Her Christmas houses: My mom gave her these little porceline hinged village house things. You open them on their hinge and they display a little christmas scene inside. Jaden has fallen in love with these little houses and plays with them every day. Mostly as people. Let’s put it this way: She used to tell the story of the Three Bears with rocks. Now she tells them with her houses. She takes them to gramma’s house and was very very hurt that she couldn’t bring them to school.


I’m wondering why we bothered buying her that Littlest Pet Shop Pet Care Center for Christmas.


Wings instead of turkey for Christmas Eve Dinner. There will be no pulling of any poultry guts out of any poultry body cavities during my Christmas prepping.


Potty Training: I haven’t been wanting to jinx anything so I haven’t reported on the status of Potty Training. All in all: good. Things are going good. She wears underpants most of the time, with the exceptions of naps and bedtime. She averages an accident a day but has stopped arguing with us when we ask her to go sit on the potty. She’s well past the Goal of 200 points needed for a trip to the Science Museum but “Free Kids Sunday” (that means Kids Get in Free, not that their giving away kids.) isn’t until next Sunday so we kinda sort of haven’t told her she’s surpassed the points needed. To be honest, I don’t thnk she cares about how many points she has. She just loves getting points and always makes sure she put her points in her book. However, she’s been mentioning the Science Museum lately so I’m thinking she knows it must be coming up.


(We’re not going to talk about the horror that was yesterday’s diarea dio-rama. Ok, it wasn’t a dio-rama but I couldn’t resist the word fun. Some fun had to be made out of the horror. THE HORROR.)


Irish accents. Aw hell, any accent that’s not Midwestern American.


Little Brother: J is getting closer to her brother. She still treats him with the same acknowledgment one would give a light fixture for the most part but almost daily she’ll comment on how cute he is. She’s started playing with him and he eats it up. Yesterday morning while Matt and I went officially on strike, she played “ah-boo!” with Jonas who grinned wildly. She’s also growing more protective of her little brother. Matt was losing some patience with Jonas and said something about, “Oh my god, Jonas, just gimme one minute!” and Jaden reprimanded him with, “Hey! You be nice to my little brother! You don’t be mean to him!”


As I said this afternoon to my boss in my comp review: Sass can be used for good OR evil. Jaden has mastered both.


Getting free shipping on Amazon. Can I elaborate on this and add: With the exception of some stocking stuffers My Christmas Shopping is DONE, bitches!







4 Responses

  1. and now you know how i felt on the inside the day my daughter told me she liked Avril Lavigne…and you know how i feel about that girl…but we are mothers and we DO NOT under ANY circumstances want to tell our daughters that they are NOT allowed to have an opinion on the kind of music they like…and so i sing “complicated” with her anytime there is a Karaoke machine around (while keeping the vomit from coming up) i gladly put my arm around my daughter and sing just enough so she can hear me and others can still hear her. Would youl like to know the words to Miley’s new hit now?

  2. Oh my god, Jaden is becoming protective of Jonas! That is way too cute!

    Best band name EVER: diarrhea diorama

  3. Ha! I sing Complicated by myself in my car where no one anywhere can hear me. And no, I don’t care to know any Miley Cyrus lyrics, but that you for the offer.

  4. Please let us know how meeting Santa turns out!

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