I should teach a course on how to lose your child’s love.

I’m not sure how handy that would be but I am sure that I could make some money. Or maybe not what with it not being very handy…

Moving on.

Thursday evening was chaotic. When isn’t it, right? Well, Thursday it seemed more so. I had to stop at El Big Warehouse Store for diapers and formula and Matt was getting a ride home from a guy from work (again. Hmm…I’m seeing a patter developing…) and we were both racing home to relieve MIL from watching the kids as she was kind enough to bring them home for us.

Race race race, relieve relieve relieve, happy happy happy, sob sob sob–wait, what happened to the happy?

I suck as a mom, that’s what happened.

I got home and MIL called Jaden up from downstairs to see me and she was all, “Wanna come downstairs and be my puppy?” and I was all, “No, sweetie I need to make some dinner. Maybe later.” Then MIL left and no dinner was made because Jonas freaked the ever living fuck out for HIS dinner.

First, baby needs his medicine. Give him medicine, he screams more, Jaden begs for attention some more, I put her off some more and eventually we’re all back downstairs: me and Jonas on the couch with a bottle and Jaden on the floor imploring that I please for the love of god play with her PUH-LEASE. And I’m back-imploring that she please for the love of god wait just a few minutes PUH-LEASE.

Several minutes of this back and forth and Jaden picks up her play food and puts them in her basket and says she’s bringing them back to her place because I’m not her friend anymore.

I was completely taken aback. “What, sweetie?”

“You’re not my friend, ANYMORE!”

I would’ve laughed at her serious little scowl if I hadn’t been so sad that I was the first person she hurled this statement at.

“Jaden, sweetie,” I started in a pleading voice, “Please don’t be mad at me.” She responded by curling up in a little ball on the floor with her face to the ground.

“Jaden,” I started again, “Don’t be sad. I’m still your friend. I’m just…” too busy for you right now…

And I looked down at her brother happily eating his bottle and at his sister laying in a ball at my feet and I hated myself at that moment.

“Jaden? Don’t be sad…”

She turned her face towards me and said, “Sing me a song to make me feel better.”

So I did. I made up some song about her not feeling sad, I was still her friend and I’ll play with her as soon as Jonas was done and we’d all have lots of fun… and then stopped when she turned from me to watch Clifford.

*sigh*

Not to be outdone by some stupid red dog, I asked Jaden if she wanted to play. She jumped at the chance, gave me the basket of “fruit”, informed me that I was Little Red Riding Hood, she was the gran’mudder, and then ran to lay on her toy box which was now “gran-mudder’s bed”. Jonas and I went to Gran’Mudder’s house, who was very sick, and we all shared a nice basket of fruit. Jonas like the banana.

Maybe I’ll have to change the name of the course to, “How to Lose Your Child’s Love and Then Earn it Back in 30 Minutes Flat.”