The Human Water Fountain-the chunky adorable kind

Yesterday the whole damn fam went out shopping for mittens, a hat and a pair of boots for The First Born. Husband was going to try and find some shirts for work as well.

To shake things up a little I decided we weren’t going to go to our fall back, Target, but instead we were going to venture out to Kohl’s. Aren’t we daring? Oh but it got even more risk taking when I saw an Old Navy and suggested we try there. “They’ve got good prices. At least I’ve heard…”

Yeah, nothing there even remotely worthy of my precious little girl. Our words, not hers. She found a cute little stuffed critter thing that she wanted to take home and introduce to her “bed friends”. (Which sounds much kinkier than it is.) We left without the critter or mittens or boots or a shirt.

Off to Kohl’s. Matt was in charge of Jonas because he really likes wearing the Bjorn. I’ll admit it’s very handy but I’m starting to think the only reason Matt comes with on these little outings is The Bjorn. Well, we got Jonas and Matt all Bjorned up and they set off to look at Man Shirts while Jaden and I went to look for Girl Boots.

They had exactly two styles of boots for little girls that weren’t all High School Musical or Hannah Blondetana but they were both twenty dollars (on sale!) and one of them had excessive amounts of fake fur and the other was out of stock. I decided, “Eff this. We’ll get boots somewhere else.” and was heading over to the kids clothing section for mittens when I see Matt stalking towards me as fast he could walk and still call it walking. There was a look of sheer panic on his face.

“Help me. He exploded everywhere.” He pleaded.  I looked at the little guy strapped to daddy’s chest with chunky baby puke all over him, his daddy and his bjorn. Not exactly sure what I was able to contribute with the one soggy bib I had on me as Matt was the one with the burp rag, I just looked at them. “Help!” Matt said again so I handed him the soggy bib saying, “This is all I’ve got, dude.”

“God, it’s everywhere!” Matt whined as he did what he could with the soaked rag and bib. “Is there a bathroom somewhere?”

“You’re guess is as good as mine,” I said.  I looked around and pointed to a spot directly behind him but across the store. “Probably over by guest relations.” Matt took off that way and I headed back towards the kids clothes.

Matt caught up with me and exclaimed, “Are you coming?!” Heaving a heavy sigh I turned back and lead Jaden to guest relations.

Man, I’m realizing exactly how unphased I was during the whole thing and really insensitive to my husband’s plight. I guess I figured it wasn’t poo so no biggie?

Anyway, I held the soggy baby while Matt got himself cleaned, still wondering what his plan was to clean the baby as we all know I’m no good in these situations. Then Matt brought Jonas into the bathroom and cleaned him up while Jaden and I picked out some pretty christmas wrapping paper. He came out a few minutes later holding a “clean as he was going to get in this situation” Jonas and a fistful of balled up wet baby clothes. I’d forgotten I’d dressed Jonas in a long sleeve shirt under a short sleeve onsie so Matt just removed the soaked outer layer and voila! Semi-dry Baby Who Only Sort of Reaked of Sour Milk.

Matt carried him without the Bjorn from that point on. We didn’t stay long as Kohl’s doesn’t believe that kids should wear mittens NOT gloves and Matt couldn’t really try on any shirts holding a baby while I was minding Jaden and paying for pretty wrapping paper and new bibs.

So guess where I went today? That’s right: Target. (Sans the family.) I really need to stick with what I know works. *sigh*

Here’s the little puke machine trying out his exersaucer for the first time last weekend (we spend a lot of time in the kitchen):

P.S.: He rolled over this evening. He was on his tummy playing on his jungle mat and managed to rotate himself 90 degrees. I looked at Matt to comment on this feat when Matt’s eyes widened and I turned back to see Jonas on his back with a pretty surprised look on his face. Pretty sweet, huh?

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2 Responses

  1. HAAA!!! Oh, I’m laughing too hard at this entire post (including really, really adorable kids in kitchen video) to come up with an actual comment. Oh my god, I love your family.

  2. Very cute story, kids are so much fun.

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