“Daddy! Stop frustrating my mommy!” or “Daddy! Mommy’s frustrating me!”

Sure the title makes no sense but I couldn’t really think of a good title for this particular post. Jaden’s view of the world around her and her way of voicing her thoughts is just so unique and so very…Three.

Dinner with Buddha

“Noodles are stringy and look like a string.”

Noodles are only to be eaten one at a time thusly: held between two hands aross the mouth, bitten in two and then each piece slurped up so they smack the chin before going in the mouth. Pasta is a very drawn out meal.

“I’m making Buddha feel better cuz he’s sick. The noodles will make him feel better.”

Also, Buddha doesn’t like dremels being used for pumpkin carving: “Daddy, maybe you can just stop that. Buddha is scared of that.”

Oh and Buddha does like pasta and he does feel better now.

***

Adult hood

I don’t know about you but when I was a kid I often thought about all the awesome things I would do when I grew up. One thing I did not plan on was going to freaking AWESOME halloween parties where lots and lots of booze would be consumed. Man, I have been to some GREAT parties, Halloween and non-halloween. In fact, one of the best parties was the one where I drunkenly kissed my future husband. Good times.

Matt and I haven’t been to a good halloween party in a few years. Or even A halloween party. But behold! This year, halloween parties abound! We’ve gone to two already, there’s one tonight, and another two on Halloween. Sure 3/5 of these parties are kid-friendly but that just means we’re released from the stress of finding a sitter. We can still have fun with the kids around, right?

The answer is YES! YES we can have fun. Fun while costumed. But so can the kids. Matt chased Jaden away from several bowls of candy which included jaw breakers and gum. (We found a gum wrapper but no gum and applogized to the host for any future discovery of chewed gum.) Jaden started out very shy but, surprises of surprises, the girl can ride a sugar high like nobody’s business.

Soon Matt’s sister left taking her husband and kids with her. Then Jaden’s other friend and her mom and dad left. Then Matt’s parents left. And then there we were in a house full of people we know and think are nice but can’t really call close friends. This would not have been a problem seeing as there was a giant tub of “Death Punch” which is mostly booze but tastes like kool-aid and oh my gosh this is only my third glass and I’m starting to loosen up and look at my pretty pink wig and sparkly vest and what? You want to go home? God, Jaden you are so LAME. Fine.

So we discuss grabbing a little something on the way home (beer? booze? beer.) while Jaden says goodbye to her friends, then we all say good bye to everyone and head out to the car. I get in, fasten my seatbelt and look at the clock.

9:15??!

“Matt, being a parent sucks sometimes.” I whisper very quietly so as not to traumatize the jewels of our eyes. He sighs and nods.

We drive to the liquor store and all is quiet in the car, both children winding down and both parents lamenting what once was. Then we hear Jaden pipe up: “When I grow up…” and she stops.

“Go on, J,” I encourage because I’m so excited to hear her first “when I grow up” statement. “When you grow up, what?”

“When I grow up, I’m gonna drive a car…”

Matt and I nod proudly. Yup ok, that works.

“…and drink beer…”

The nods turn into silent giggles.

“…and put someone in a tree.”

It took me a couple seconds but then I remembered our photo session and Matt putting Jaden in the tree.

“Yes, Jaden you can do all of those things when you’re grown up.”

In addition to drunk driving and placing children in trees, she declared that when she grows up, “I will put on my skates and go skating with my brother and sister.” We wasted no time letting her know that she will have no sister, only her ONE brother. “Oh. Well, when Jonas grows up, he’s going to skating with his sister. That’s me.”

***

Jaden has really gotten into taking care of her babies. She puts lotion on them (which comes out of her Ugly Doll, Trey, who’s the lotion bottle.), wraps them in blankets and then it comes time to put them to bed. Sunday I was in Jonas’ room putting all his “newborn” clothes into a box (sob!) and she decided that her baby should sleep in Jonas’ crib, only she couldn’t reach.

“Oh no. I can’t reach…I know! I’ll just go get my stool.” Back she came with the stool which she climbed up and then plunked her baby in the crib. 

Matt came in a little while later to fix Jaden’s imaginary car or phone, I honestly can’t remember which. She had us both fixing all kinds of stuff. (Don’t believe anyone who tells you I can’t fix a car.) and Jaden explained what she was doing with her baby and Jonas’ quilt fell off the side of the crib on her head:

“Oh, dammit!” she exclaimed, much to our chagrine.

We explained that little kids shouldn’t say that word.

“Oh, only daddy’s can say that?” Well, only grown ups can. “OH! When I grow up I can say that word?”

“Yes, when you grow up you can drive a car….and–say that word.”

And drink beer.

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One Response

  1. Oh, god, thanks for that much needed laugh. Out of the mouths of babes… Yesterday, Michael and I had a, ahem, “heated” discussion in the kitchen about an appropriate rolling utility cart thingy for my new compact dishwasher. Claire spent the rest of the day following me around, waving her arms frantically, and saying very loudly “no tip, fine, no tip, fine, relax, no tip, relax, fine, no tip”. Ugh.

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