Jonas- The Tongue Tied WonderBoy! Episode One: The Referral is set

When Jonas was born and it was discovered that he was tongue tied we knew the day would probably come when we’d have to get his tongue “snipped”. That phrase is a little misleading as from what I’ve read in the article linked above, there are lasers involved rather than anything “snippy” like scissors or me after a sleepless night and no coffee (bad’um bum ching!). Being a big fan of “wait and see” and “denial,” I thought we’d have awhile before actually having to deal with this little “issue”. (I like quotes) (and parentheticals). But much like the circumcision debate, it all came to a head (HA!!!!!) much sooner than I’d hoped.

 

My MIL brought Jonas in for his two month check earlier this month and, at our request, discussed the whole tongue tied thing. After much discussion it was concluded that it’s up to the parents whether we clip his wee tongue or not. Doctor had no opinion other than “Sometimes parents get it clipped and sometimes they don’t.” But if we’re going to clip it, “better sooner than later”.

 

Let the frantic research begin!

In all the frantic research we discovered that

·         Jonas’s own doctor’s daughter had Ankyloglossia but didn’t get her tongue clipped until she was 14 because she couldn’t play the flute (apparently her desire to play this particular woodwind instrument was enough to go under a laser)

·         Matt’s grandfather had Ankyloglossia but we’re unsure whether he got his tongue clipped or if he outgrew it. Or maybe because he grew up in Sweden and the anomaly doesn’t affect the Swedish language like the English language. Maybe they’re all naturally lispy…although I’ve never heard a lisp when I’ve spoken with him…although he does mumble…but he’s old and hard of hearing…moving on.

·         Our friend’s niece had it but got her tongue clipped at the age of 4 (a couple years ago) because of speech issues.

·         Sometimes Ankyloglossia is symptomatic and sometimes it’s not.

·         Some doctors are in favor of clipping and some aren’t.

 

So after all the hand ringing (wringing?) and “should we? Shouldn’t we?” and Matt’s discovery that it could cause issues with kissing and my fear that he won’t be able to eat an ice cream cone (priorities: we’ve got ‘em) we’ve decided to go for it.

 

Now here is what MIL told me: “Dr said you just have to call and make an appointment with the oral surgeon.” Sweet. Sounds easy enough.

 

Oh, Marcoda. Thou art so stupid and so naïve.

 

I called yesterday to the clinic, after confirming with MIL that this is, in fact, all I had to do. The scheduler lady was all, “Hmmmmm…I don’t see a referral in here. I’ll have to have the doctor’s nurse put that in here and call you back.” Ok, fine. I told her the nurse could reach me at the work line.

 

And I wait.

And wait.

Oh what the heck, let’s wait some more.

 

FINALLY at 4:15 (yes, 15 minutes before I leave for the day) the nurse calls. Let’s call her Janet. Janet calls and informs me that the referral is in the system so all I need to do is call back and schedule and do I know who to call. Um, no, I called before to schedule and they said you’d call me to take care of it. Perhaps I misunderstood. Janet then said she wasn’t sure who I need to talk to either and called over her shoulder to Jan asking if she knew who the hell I’m supposed to talk to. Janet got back on the phone and said Janette is in charge of scheduling referrals. “So I hang up and call back?” “Well, yeah, you can either call back and ask for Janette or I can transfer you now.” “Could you transfer me now?” “Um, yeah, ok.”

 

Call me crazy but I thought nurses held some sort of degree, leading people to believe they has a tiny bit of common sense. Please do not let this nurse anywhere near my children while in possession of a needle.

 

Janet transferred me to Janette who was away from her desk so I left this message: “Hello, my name is Marcoda Bingmar. I was told I needed to talk to you about scheduling my son, Jonas’, oral surgery. Please call me back at blah blah blah.”

 

This morning there’s a message on my work voicemail: “Hello, this message is for Marcoda. My name is Janette and I’m returning your message regarding the referral from Dr. Looks like there’s a note here saying that you’ll be calling to schedule the appointment. You actually need to call blah blah Oral and Facial Specialists. And it looks like you have Big Evil Insurance Company as your insurance provider so you actually don’t need a referral from Dr. Please call if you have any questions.”

 

Oh I’ve got several questions but I have a feeling voicing them won’t get me anywhere. My main question is what the hell is going on in your office? GROWL!

 

Please join us for our next episode of Jonas- The Tongue Tied WonderBoy!: The Appointment is Set.*

 

*I’m assuming an appointment will be set at some point.

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