“I don’t have any money!”*

HA! Life has gotten fun around the Bingmar house. Most of this is due to lack of sleep on the part of the two founding members and the first “joining” member. People, I am so scattered it’s stopped being funny. I wander around the house holding spoons, brushes, clothes, books, ANYTHING and wonder why the hell I’m holding said item. OR I’m looking for something, find the something, then wonder why I was looking for it in the first place. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve entered a room and cried, “Oh, right!” then exited the room only to stop and try to remember why I left the room. This is more than a daily occurance. These things happen several times a day.

I will say that this morning was much less “spazzy” on my part but in case you’re worried that the Bingmar Household is in danger of running smoothly, let me lay those fears to rest. Jaden stepped up and provided the “defiant and snippy three year old female” performance we were so desperately needing. Apparently.  Matt and I agreed that we could do without it and still break box office records but our “lead” had other ideas.

(Man, I can sure cram in the analogies can’t I?)

Jaden has figured out that she doesn’t have to listen to us. Not even a little. And even better, she doesn’t have to  just “ignore us.” Oh no! Where’s the fun in that when she can so easily yell, “NO!” and slap her mom? I would really rather not dwell on this as it is not happy but seriously. OY! Great big friggen capitalized “OY! Girl, give us a break!” She ended up going to bed Monday night without a story and without anyone laying with her and she still sassed around and pranced out of her bed and received a disbelief layden, “Are you kidding me? Get back in bed!” from the same mom she was calling in to lay with her. (Matt let slip, “No, mommy’s pissed at you.” He appologized.)

We were twenty mintues late to my brother in law’s birthday party this past Saturday because of socks. SOCKS.

It’s not all bad. At the party Jaden was very well behaved and kept striking “Super Hero Jaden” poses and rescuing the other kids from the monster (played beautifully by one of the dads). So at least she behaves herself in front of others…

Actually, she’s not so bad. I need to remind myself of that. It’s just very very frustrating and not to mention difficult to think of my “baby” as a “person” who has her own mind and way of doing things. For example:

She’s completely over her potty chair and only wants to sit on the big potty. Which is great and cool and not a problem at all. Until she pokes the floating toilet paper she tossed in after peeing into the toilet.

Or when, last night, I’m in the other room congratulating her because I heard her peeing but then I hear a definite “splashing” sound and my tone changes from congrulatory (“YAY, JADEN!”) to panicy (“What was that? WHAT WAS THAT?”) and then run into the bathroom demanding to know what she put in the toilet and get, “Just my foot” as an answer.

Oh dear god, the grossness, people. I was so thoroughly disgusted and proceeded to tell her that her foot is now gross and that is not cool and we don’t put our feet or hands or anything other than bodily waste and toilet paper into the toilet but ESPECIALLY not our hands and feet. While washing her (gross) foot I proclaimed “no story tonight!” but Jonas and I would lie down with her. (Matt was out at Best Buy buying himself a birthday present. Happy Birthday, sweetie!)

I got her into her bed and decided to put the grossness behind us and focus on the weekly Thursday night “Let’s get excited for school tomorrow!” routine. Basically this involves Matt or myself actinb way too excited BECAUSE YAY!! SCHOOL TOMORROW! in an attempt avoid any meltdowns Friday morning. Generally we talk up the singing and playing and kids and teachers and stuff. Observe:

“We have to get lots of sleep tonight because tomorrow you’ve got school! Cool, huh?”

“School?”

“Yeah! What are you going to do at school tomorrow?”

“I’m gonna cry.” (very dead pan)

I love how she tells it like it is. I proceed to tell her she doesn’t need to cry because school is awesome and start going into great detail about all the cool stuff at school.

At least I was going to but then Jaden remembered: “OH! We forgot two things. I need to brush my teeth and get some water and—OH MY GOSH!”

“What?”

“A BUG! A ‘pider!” She pointes dramatically to a spot right above MY SHOULDER!!!! I turn quickly around saying a quick prayer that it’s a little spider and then realize I forgot to aim the prayer at a specific diety so it’s my own damn fault that it’s a big ol’ tan gross thing. With legs and stuff and GOD! Now I feel them crawling all over me!!

“OH! MY! That is–wow, ok…um…ok. Mommy just has to go get some tissue and I’ll take care of it.” darn it darn it darn it. Why isn’t Matt here? I get some tissue and then spend a tremendously long time (but really only about 30-45 seconds) getting my cloak of bravery around me:

“Ok, sweetie. Mommy has to be very brave right now. I do not like spiders.”

“Mommy, you just habe to be bery bery brabe.” After many false starts and “ok….ok…ok…ok”s and Jaden being the best little cheerleader she can be the bastard starts to move and I react! Kapow!! Got him! RUN TO THE TOILET!! and……….FLUSH!

Phew. Crisis averted.

“YAY, MOMMY!!” We then called Matt and Jaden informed him that I was very brave. I then told Matt that I know he’s laughing because he’s been killing spiders for a month now and I just haven’t seen them but STILL. This was a big deal for me.

We hung up the phone, brushed teeth and finally headed to bed where I lay, eyes darting around the room looking for more nasty spiders.

While we laid there and it became more and more clear to Jaden that she really wasn’t getting a story she said, “I have to appologize for sticking my toe in the toilet.”

(background: She’s very good at appologizing. Generally. Lately, however, she thinks that if she says she’s sorry, then she’ll get whatever it was that was taken away. This was how it worked in the past…until she stopped understanding what appologizing means, ie: “I’m sorry, I won’t do that again.”)

“Ok, go ahead.”

“I’m sorry for sticking my toe in the toilet.”

“Thank you for appologizing.”

“Can we read a story now?” (SEE??!! She’s not the least bit sorry. She’s totally going to stick her foot in the toilet again.)

“No, honey.” Silence. I am so impressed with the lack of whining that I offer to tell her a story instead. So I tell her the story of the Water Nixie.

Then she asks me to sing a song to her and Jonas. “Rock a bye, baby” to be exact. So I launch into big operatic versions while she laughs and says, “Not that way!!”  I finally ask her how I’m supposed to sing it. So she sings it to me and I smile and sing it to her.

Then the three of us nuzzle together and I tell them each to close their eyes. First Jaden does, then Jonas does and then I do.

And that, my friends, is how one reminds themselves how much they love their little sassy pants of a little girl.

*Matt: “Welcome to my world, kid.”

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3 Responses

  1. FYI…the worst thing ever was saying that kids get “Terrible two’s” cuz its completely inacurate!!! THey are spawns of demons from 18 months-4 years (and even then??? 4.5 years) Yes spawns of demons from 18months – 4.5 years (i say that cuz my most recent exercism on my ALMOST 4.5 year old son has almost been a complete success!!) Then they have this magical potion that somehow causes them to become COMPLETELY and UDDERLY ADORABLE that you forget the evil rising inside of them. . . so much blindness that you find yourself waking in the middle of the night to bring him into your bed to sleep cuz you need him there next to your for cuddles sake…..

    maybe i should blog?

  2. Damn, I was going to write a comment, but now I’ve forgotten what it was. See, I have the same syndrome and of no help whatsoever.

  3. you can officially start using me as a bargaining tool now. “tatum won’t come over this weekend unless you…”

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