Where are those poopy diapers I was promised?

Babies are supposed to produce about 8 wet diapers and 3-4 poopy diapers every day. (Not kidding.)

Number of poopy diapers Jonas has produced in the last 24 hours: 0.

Number of smelly gas bubbles escaping from his cute little diapered bum: countless

Number of smelly gas bubbles still trapped in my little man’s gastrointestinal tract: unknown but certainly there and causing my baby lots of pain even with little anti-gas drops in his bottles.

Number of times I’ve tried putting him down over the last twelve hours: 8

Average number of minutes he lies quietly before waking and demanding my attention: 5

My poor little man. I feel so bad for him and slightly bad for myself what with the no sleep because of the crying baby and his poor upset tummy. Props for me: I only lost my patience once and let him cry for 3 minutes last night around 9pm when I went to get the much deserved ice cream from the freezer. Then had to let it sit for another 10 minutes while I bounce the baby on the giant exercise ball (I’m so tired I wrote “bowl” instead of “ball”. I think I need some ice cream for breakfast. I’m a grownup. I can do that. This is exactly the empowering speech I gave myself when I ate ice cream last night way after bedtime. I do the same thing when I drink out of the juice bottle instead of pouring a glass.) So I figure I did pretty good on the patience meter. I just felt so bad for the little guy writhing and whimpering next to me in bed. Ew. My sock is wet from the last upchuck from the baby. Thought I wiped it all up.

Have I mentioned I’m tired? And my poor baby’s got a nasty tummy ache? HOWEVER, he’s currently sleeping in his vibrating bouncy seat which means mommy gets to type with TWO hands. I feel I should be using this time for something more constructive like eating breakfast or going potty. Did I just say “going potty” in reference to me not the Trainee?

SEGUE!

Potty training is still…going strong? I guess. She refused to sit on the potty this morning but her pull up was dry. Would that be a 50% win? To be fair she was upset because (I quote) “I don’t want to go to school. I want to sleep some more.” Question: Is she 3 and going to school one day a week and singing “Happy and You Know It” or 12 and going 5 days a week and learning pre-algebra? Point: she’s going to be brave today at school and is going to sit on the potty and tell her other teachers.

Oh christ. I just realized we’re going to the Minnesota Rennasaince Festival tomorrow which means I need to try and get Jaden to sit on an outhouse seat, something I won’t do without serious need. WHY aren’t kids born potty trained?

FULL CIRCLE

While I seriously think I’m going to lose it if I to change one more beyond gross poop filled pull-up, I really hope I get some poopy diapers from my little man today.

On that lovely note, he’s still sleeping so I’m going to go potty and have ice cream for breakfast. And change my socks. But in which order!? It’s anybody’s guess.

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4 Responses

  1. I would say to change your sock first, then go potty, then enjoy the ice cream, but dude. The kid could wake at any moment. Dive right into the ice cream while you have a chance! The rest can wait.

  2. order went: potty, socks, made eggs. Ice cream had to wait. Kid woke while eggs were cooking and I’m back to typing one handed.

  3. hey lady…i know you might be getting advice all over the board but Tyson was the SAME exact way when he was Jonas’ age…..until we started adding a little bit of soy formula to his bottles….and then the explosion of dirty diapers came! i dunno…maybe try it? or else an anema???

  4. UPDATE: Poop and puke galore! Mama got her wish.

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