Blerg blah and double blerg

First: Jaden’s ok. The doctor says she sprained her shoulder and nothing looks broken. She then told her grandmother she wanted to go garage saling. Well worth the $20 co-pay. Thanks, kid. On the other hand, she has pink eye!! SCORE! So she got some eye drops and can go to school tomorrow and infect the world with her gross eye goop. In the grand scheme of things I’ll take goopy eyes over broken collar bone any day.

Second: I’m sick. And not thrilled about this. Who gets a cold two weeks from her due date? Honestly? Well, that would be me, obviously. It’s not even a bad cold (so far). Just this gross dry feeling in my throat but the sick feeling has completely zapped my energy. This depresses me for two reasons:

a) As if I wasn’t tired enough. C’mon!

b) I’m supposed to be getting some surge of energy called “nesting” which will indicate that labor and delivery are forth coming. This happened with Jaden a few days before she was born. Most women use this time to organize baby stuff or clean the house. My “nesting” involves me walking around aimlessly not doing anything actually productive like vacuuming or something. I remember talking to my cousin on the phone and just pacing in circles and talking a mile a minute about how ohmygoshIhavesomuchenergythisisinsane! Anyway I’ve been waiting for this surge of energy but now? If I’m all zapped of energy will I even get this surge? If I do will I even know? And how the hell am I supposed to birth a baby when I can barely keep my eyes open while sitting on my ass at work? And yes I’m continuing down the path of self-delusionment that I’m going to have this kid this weekend. Aren’t I adorable?

I’m so sick of talking about pending labor. Let’s talk more about Jaden. Let’s see what else did she do this week that had the potential to cause her great bodily harm…? OH YES. The other day she discovered my mother in law’s razor and decided to shave her legs. I’m contracting away on the couch when Matt brings home my precious baby girl who is sporting bloody gouges on her knuckles and some scratches on her legs. NOTE TO GRAMMA: KEEP THE FREAKING RAZORS IN A CUPBOARD SOMEWHERE. For fuck’s sake.

Our theory of grass allergies was proved “confirmed” or at the least “probable” yesterday. We dropped her off with nice clean, slightly eczemaed arms (nothing bad. For her, she was the picture of perfect skin.) and then when I arrived to watch So You Think You Can Dance, girl had a crazy rash all over her fore arms and her feet had been scratched to hell. I asked if she was playing in the grass earlier and Gramma looked very sheepish and admitted that yes, she was. I wasn’t mad. I’m not about to “bubble boy” my child but, as my husband pointed out, at least wash off her skin after she’s been outside. And yes, we really should bring her to the doctor to get a shot or something, I know. But…well. I hate going to the doctor. There I said it. I’ll avoid bringing her or any other member of my family to see a doctor unless I really really have to. It’s not a fear thing, more of an avoiding hassle thing. And the $20 co-pay. I really hate that.

Speaking of doctors, I just got off the phone with the afore-mentioned mother in law who gave me the full report from the doctor’s office. Jaden saw the same nurse practitioner she saw last summer when she went through her whole MRSA drama (don’t get me started on that one) and was amazed at how much she’s grown and commented on how smart she was. (See? My kid IS a genius.) For some BIZARRE reason GRAMMA decided to say, “Yes, she is smart. She has a cousin who’s 5 months older and is smarter but yeah, Jaden is smart.” THEN she went on to say something about how Jaden is slower with some things but over all she’s a smart girl. Why? WHY? WHY would she a) say that and then b) TELL THE MOTHER SHE SAID THAT??? I know my nephew’s a genius and I don’t want to take anything away from that. (The kid is three and can write his name and a hand full of other words. I’m not kidding or being snarky.) But really? When a medical professional comments on how smart your grand daughter is, can’t you just smile proudly and say, “Yes, she really is!” or at the least tell the mother that’s all that was said?? AGain: for fuck’s sake.

I didn’t mean to go off on a ranting tangent. I’m sorry. Let me go back to how awesome Jaden is.

She groped me the other day. That was fun. Apparently mommy’s boobs looked really inviting in their new night shirt. I explained that we don’t touch people’s chests like that and she’s more than welcome to touch my belly but leave mommy’s boobs alone. (Yes, I said boobs.) Then it became a game of her giggling and reaching for my boob and me batting her hand away. Good times.

She went through a defiant stage and is now back into a semi-cooperative phase which I’m milking for everything its worth. Bedtime has been going smoothly as has getting up in the morning. She’s eating what we give her (granted we’re not putting anything weird in front of her like, I don’t know, TILAPIA!) and asking nicely for things and picking up when we ask her to. In general she’s being a great kid and I have her cold to thank. If her having a cold wasn’t such a bad thing in principle, I’d have her sick all the time. She just has such a great attitude! She actually came up to me the other day, asked for a hug and said “I yub you.” all on her own. Last night she asked her gramma if she could take a blanket home with her UNPROMPTED. I love her!!! If only this whole good behavior thing wasn’t a phase…

And my water just splashed me in the eye. I don’t even know how that happened considering the hole in my water bottle thing is roughly the size of a nickle.

I need an unprompted Jaden hug.


4 Responses

  1. OK … no nesting phase second time around…too much energy wasted on 1st child, hubby, work & house…no nesting phase …labor will just smack you in the face and wake you up and say “lets go bitch…parties starting where you at?”
    Whats wrong with Tilapia…i had that for dinner last night!!! freak!
    I wish you could do what i did on my lunch…i went to my sisters house and hugged my kids, scolded a sick tyson for pooping in his underwear after being accident free for over a month (not to big of a scolding seeing that he IS sick) and then kicked amaya’s butt in a few rounds of Wii…which really pissed her off…sorry sweetie i got 20 years of gaming experience on ya!
    your awesome…fyi, i think you are just one of the most bad ass woman i know…helluva mother too!
    your almost there (and i know you know this)…. go hug your darling little (genius) angel when you get home and tell her to stay away from the boobies cuz you dont want her playing that game AFTER the baby is born…YUCKY AND OUCHIE!

  2. Oh, we LOVE tilapia. Whenever we make it we have to make a seperate for J. Lord. I know we shouldn’t do that but some nights I just don’t feel like going through the battle.
    Your lunch sounds way more fun than mine, by the way.
    (thanks for the compliments and reassurance. I’m just in a venty kind of mood and cranky. Very cranky.)

  3. Your mother-in-law makes me so mad sometimes! Good lord, ok so the boy is smart. But so is Jaden. Very smart, and clever and charming and sweet and adorable. What more is MIL looking for? The ability to fly? Plus nephew is five months older! That’s a LONG time when you’re three.

    And honestly, since J is over at MIL’s during the day, if she isn’t writing her name yet shouldn’t MIL take some responsibility for that? Grrr.

    I’m glad to hear that J is doing ok, neck-wise. Yay J!

  4. Yeah, Jess. It boggles my mind. I feel bad for ripping on her because lord knows my own mother ain’t perfect but she irritates the crap out of me sometimes. I guess that’s what moms do though, regardless if they’re blood or legal.

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