Preschooler Blues

So many awesome things happened this week on the Jaden front that I just have to make a listy list to share them with you.

Awesome Thing #1:On Tuesday, Jaden was being a turdferger about dinner and refused to eat. We took away privileges including watching a movie and playing outside, sent her to her room a couple times and finally gave up on dinner and told her to go to her room until bedtime. Soon I heard a “thud…thud…thud…” and knew she’d discovered the box of shoes in her closet and was distributing them around her room. I marched in there and told her to pick them up immediately or she was going to bed. We battled for ten minutes until I threw my hands up and said, “That’s it. Go in the bathroom. You’re going to bed.” It was 7 and a good hour before her scheduled bedtime. The worst part is she wasn’t acting punished the entire evening. Any parent knows that punishing their kids sucks and the least the kids can do is ACT punished. She was all, “ok!” and pranced off into the bathroom. She brushed her teeth, got her jammies on and only realized I was serious when I sent her into the kitchen to say good night to daddy.

“I just need to pick up the shoes first.”

“No, that isn’t happening. It’s bedtime now. Go say night-night to daddy.” She went, got daddy who carried the cuddly little tot back into the bedroom with this pouty look that says, “Aw…she’s so sweet.”

“Matt, she’s being punished. Please.” Skip ahead a little, Jaden ends up picking up the shoes but still has to go to bed because that’s her punishment. Oh and NO STORY. I’m hardcore. Jaden and I lay down, she’s facing away from me. I thank the lord for this because what happened next drove me to fits of silent laughter.

Jaden broke into song. I don’t have a recording so you’ll have to imagine the melody but here are the lyrics:

I not eat my dinner.

I not drink my milk.

I not go outside.

I not watch a moobie.

I go to my room.

I not pick up my shoes.

I go to bed.

I not read a ‘tory.

But I got my friends.

I got Cinco.

I got Trey.

I got Louie.

I got..Where bedtime bunny? Oh der he is.

I got Bedtime Bunny.

I got Stitch.

I go to sleep.

Five minutes later, she was asleep. Do you realize what that was?  That was her realizing what she did wrong, how she was being punished and that no matter how sucky things get, she’s got her peeps. Have I mentioned yet that I love this kid?

Awesome Thing #2: The next day she had a similar dinner experience only she’d learned from the previous night that when we say “You’re not going outside if you don’t eat your dinner” we mean it. So, she ate most of her dinner and got to go outside. And oh the fun she had. I was inside making cookies and Matt was in the yard with her burning the branches and what not from the pine tree trimming party a couple weeks ago. (How’s that for a domestic scene?) As I’m combining all my ingredients and cursing cookie dough for being so damn thick I hear a very out of tune ukulele with only three strings being strummed and a little voice singing at the top of her lungs. I couldn’t understand what she was singing but Matt informed me later it was “I got the blues. I got the blues.” Why is my child so melancholy? Don’t get too concerned; she transitioned to the ABCs, and Old McDonald, and One-Two-Buckle My Shoe (which is way cute because she gets the tasks mixed up and doesn’t understand rhyming schemes. Example: 3-4 pick up sticks.) She also found my box full of stuffed animals and fell in love with my little dolphin which she named, “Meenie the Whale.” We corrected her and informed her it was a dolphin. She still says whale but does throw in a “dolphin” sometimes. She’s learning. Bless her heart.

Awesome Thing #3: Our home life has become one long live opera. We just need a live studio audience to make it complete. I blame Jaden for this. It’s hard to blame her seeing as Matt and I already sing everything all the time at home and she is very impressionable. BUT it IS her fault because when she comes in the door singing, “Hello, mommy! We are home now!” How can I NOT respond in kind? That would be squashing her creativeness. So yes, we all sing now. And thanks to Little Einsteins, sometimes we sing in the melody of classical pieces that we try to tell her “No, that’s MOZART, you ignoramus.” when she lectures, “No, mommy, that’s Little Einsteins.” I lost my train of thought with this awesome thing but it ends with Jaden loving to make me laugh by singing her “I Need Some More” song and throwing her entire body into the performance, especially the last low note where she practically falls out of her chair bowing her head so low. I really need to carry a video camera all the time. Why haven’t I started doing this yet?

Awesome Thing #4: This morning I got her dressed in a little white t-shirt with a red tie wrap thing and I’m wearing a red shirt. Matt pointed out, “You kind of match mommy!” and I replied, “Except mommy looks like a giant tomato.” Matt, not to be outwitted, “and you’re a little Roma.” Jaden scowled at him and said, “I not a Roma!” and because we haven’t learned that laughing at your children is WRONG and bad parenting Matt asked, “I’m sorry. What are you?”

“I a cucumber.”

I turned away and burst out into laughter sputtering and gasping, “I can’t…! I can’t…! Oh, that’s too much.” I don’t know what I couldn’t do but I couldn’t because of all the laughing. Matt, bless him, is much better at keeping a straight face than me and continued the conversation.

“A cucumber?”

“No, I not a cucumber!” (still scowling)

“What are you then?”

“We not vegetables. We just yittle kids!”

Yes, Jaden. We are all just little kids. And you’re the best one of them all.

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