Milestone Monday 2/11/08

Oh! So much to update you all on! Probably because I took to keeping a list at my desk otherwise I can’t remember and when it comes time to write about my milestones, I sound pretty uneventful. This just isn’t the case, my friends. Let’s get to it then, shall we?

Milestone 1: I got my first Preggie Zit! I know, I know. You’re beyond jealous. Just to twist the knife in further I have to share that the first was quickly followed by the second. Apparently it was lonely there in the middle of my forehead and needed a friend. And the best part?? They’re STILL there after a week and oh so painful! Please try to keep your shade of green to the lighter end of the spectrum. How can I tell these are preggie induced? Because, and I’m not bragging, I normally get around 2 zits a year so either I’m getting them out of the way right away and all at once or my hormones are repeating the oily skin dance they performed last time with sassy-pants J. Everyone loves an encore I guess.

Milestone 2: I’m jealous of my sister in law because her last name is Murphy (no you can’t know her first name because I don’t want to get blamed for any stalker issues that may come up) so she can actually call herself “Bleeding Gums Murphy”. Bleeding Gums Bingmar just doesn’t have the same ring or Simpsons throw back. That doesn’t stop the morning teeth brushing ritual from being any less…pink I guess is good term. So, I can now check off “Bleeding Gums” on my list of preggie symptoms (in case my lack of period and growing belly weren’t enough for me. And my doctor’s insistence that I’m pregnant. Psh. What does he know? Oh right. He’s got the bow tie. Must trust the bow tie. Although I’m convinced he got my due date wrong or is hiding the fact that I’m carrying twins from me. Look at my stomach!)

Milestone 3: Have I mentioned the giant belly? Oh, it’s there in all its glory. And I’m carrying right out in front and up so I’m thinking another girl? OR, as I told my husband last night, it’s probably a boy because it knows we saved all these baby girl clothes and are trying to buy a house and buying a whole new “baby boy blue” wardrobe would literally bankrupt us. And my children are spiteful that way. (hee hee. Children. As in more than one child. I’m getting teary…Wait, that’s just because my zits had a flare up of pain. Fuckers. Seriously? What is with this?)

Milestone 3.5: Had my first “belly rub from a person I barely know” last week. Only one person witnessed it and she declared that if it were her, the rubber would have gotten her belly rubbed in return. I’m incredibly shy and introverted but the thought did cross my mind. Luckily I reminded myself that the girl was young, stupid and republican and we all know they have no tact. Oh, I’m just teasing. Young stupid people have tact. Ok, really, I’m just teasing about the republican thing. But it did cross my mind. Anyway, note to people that have never been around a pregnant woman who is very early in her pregnancy and already looks like she’s carrying a soccer ball: Pretty lady does NOT want her belly patted and “cooed” over. Pretty sure that goes for all pregnant women in any given stage. Especially the last couple months. That’s just a death wish waiting to be fulfilled.

Milestone 4: A wise person once said, “patience is a virtue.” And I used to be the most virtuous person I know (and modest). Where did my virtue go? I have no patience at all, especialy when I’m on the road or at home. Unfortunately, my darling first born (Ms. Sassy Pants) has finally entered the “terrible twos” even though she’s been two for over 7 months. She says no almost after every thing I tell her, tells me I’M being naughty and yesterday (gasp…tears welling) she told me to Shut Up! THIS little girl! Remember? january-picnic4.jpg Oh the sweet and innocence! What the fuck happened???

I won’t bore you with the details but this “incident” happened after 20 solid minutes of me and her daddy trying to get her to pick up her ever-loving kitchen stuff before she gets to play with her Little Touch Leap Pad which just had fresh life breathed into it because daddy broke down and bought it some new batteries. I offered to help her pick up. (H and I will help her but we usually don’t pick it all up for her, unless she’s in bed or something. We think this teaches responsibility and cooperation. On days it works anyway.) She still dallied and played with some bracelet she found so I took it away. Apparently the only phrase she could muster that would reflect her anger was, “Shut up, mommy!” I asked her twice what she said, put her on time out, put her kitchen shit on time out (and it can stay in the fricken closet until we move for all I care) and told her she will get no juice or her leap pad for the rest of the day. Oh and it went from there and culminated with me bellowing (yes, BELLOWING) for her to get back in that chair right now! (she ending up in tears because I scared her. I feel ashamed to admit that I actually thought, “Good, you’re taking me seriously for once.”)  The day before, every little thing she did that was even slightly defiant annoyed me to no end. I ended up in tears in our entry way on H’s shoulder blubbering about how I hate being to irritated with her all the time. And it’s not fair to Nibbler at all. J got happy soothing mommy talks and songs while she was incubating. This little chap gets to hear “No! Stop that! Now! Sit down! Stand up! Keep Those Mittens On! Don’t hit Polly With Your Einsteins!” on a nearly daily basis. This poor kid’s going to come out thinking I’m an ogre (in addition to looking like one after it comes out. Yeesh. I’m not pretty after delivery, let me tell you.). And I can’t stop it. Where has my patience gone and how can I get it back again?

Milestone 5: BUT! I think I may be feeling some movement here and there. “Oh, it’s too early to feel the avocado move.” (I don’t know what fruit it is this week, I’m only guessing.) Yeah, well they said that last time when I felt Hoju move at 16 weeks, but I know what I felt and since I DO know what it feels like, I can tell you with 100% certainty that I’m pretty sure I could be possibly feeling Nibbler blooping around. That’s the sound affect I give it. “bloop”. Hee hee.

Milestone 6: Headaches are here every day but I don’t want to dwell on that because HELLO! I might be sorta feeling a baby maybe moving around! Not right now, but in general. Sometimes…ahem…

BabyCenter!! (OOH!! It just moved! I think. Seriously.) Crap. While I was proofreading I did something very un-ladylike so maybe it was gas after all. This time. I still stand by the fact that I’m pretty sure I felt it before.

Your pregnancy: 14 weeks

How your baby’s growing:

This week’s big developments: Your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him — a process he’ll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too, and if you’re having an ultrasound now, you may even catch him sucking his thumb.

In other news: Your baby’s stretching out. From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches — about the size of a lemon — and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces. His body’s growing faster than his head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, his arms will have grown to a length that’s in proportion to the rest of his body. (His legs still have some lengthening to do.) He’s starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, all over his body. Your baby’s liver starts making bile this week — a sign that it’s doing its job right — and his spleen starts helping in the production of red blood cells. Though you can’t feel his tiny punches and kicks yet, your little pugilist’s hands and feet (which now measure about 1/2 inch long) are more flexible and active.

How the heck is a lemon any different than a lime? Really now. Baby didn’t fricken grow at all. They could’ve said, “Slightly larger lime.” Wait. Ok, I just did a mental library search and I guess lemons can be a heck of a lot bigger than a lime. My bad, baby center.

 “Mommy! Stop yelling at Sissy!” God, he’s guilting me already. Normally I don’t include the “what’s happening to you” crap because it ends up being really trivial and bull shitty but this one made me laugh:

How your life’s changing:

Welcome to your second trimester! Your energy is likely returning, your breasts may be feeling less tender, and your queasiness may have completely abated by now. If not, hang on — chances are good it will soon be behind you (although an unlucky few will still feel nauseated months from now).

The top of your uterus is a bit above your pubic bone, which may be enough to push your tummy out a tad. Starting to show can be quite a thrill, giving you and your partner visible evidence of the baby you’ve been waiting for. Take some time to plan, daydream, and enjoy this amazing time. It’s normal to worry a bit now and then, but try to focus on taking care of yourself and your baby, and having faith that you’re well equipped for what’s ahead.

What makes me mad about this is they seem to only focus on first time preggies. They have NO advice for mommies that, say, have a two year old sassy pants driving them out of their ever loving mind. I think I need to take some time away from the kid to really bond with the Nibbler. That’s a giant hint to Mr. Bingmar…


Nibbler, even though I don’t have the time to really reflect on the magic that is you growing inside me, please know that I love you. I love you so fricken much and just the thought of having a room to put you in in our new house gives me such warm feelings that I can’t describe how wonderful it will be to hold you and rock you in that room and show you off to the world. I promise to take at least a few minutes every day to reflect on that and give you at least that much attention until you get here. Once you get here, you’re going to have most of it. I promise. At least until your sister tells me to shut up again.



3 Responses

  1. ok first off Nibbs is going potty in you … hehe i get a kick out of that every time i read that. Now for the line that made me almost laugh my oatmeal out of my nose…” Luckily I reminded myself that the girl was young, stupid and republican and we all know they have no tact. “…seriously hot oatmeal coming out of my nose.

    Finally check out this link…maybe it will help you the second time around, heres a little excerpt: “With your first pregnancy you probably spent a lot of mental and emotional energy on your pregnancy. Now that you have other children to take care of you may feel emotionally distant from this pregnancy. This is a normal reaction and is by no means an indication that you will love this baby any less. Your partner will also probably be less interested in this pregnancy.”

    Hang in there my lil red-headed ragu lady 🙂

  2. Zits, gas, baby pee and baby bile all in the same entry. Pregnancy really is magical! 🙂

    I wouldn’t even walk up to you and start patting your tummy, as tempting as it is. Why the hell do strangers think that’s ok? It’s just weird! Keep your hands to yourself, people. We learned that in preschool.

  3. I hate hate hate (did I mention that I hate) the uninvited belly rubs. It is just rude. How difficult is it to say “may I touch your belly?”. Really?!

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