Just when you think you get out, they pull you back in…or something. I might be paraphrasing.

H and I jumpstarted the house hunt last week. Oh the boring details and tears in the bathroom stories you will be spared. Thank me. You really should. Who would have thought buying a house would be so freakin hard? And the best part? We haven’t even gotten to the buying part. We’re just trying to find a house we can somehow afford.


The kicker? We’re not fuckin poor! Sure, we’re broke but we eat every day, we have two cars, plenty of crap (see: Reason We Need a House With a Basement and Garage), the IRS thinks we make too much for any assistance or “earned income credit” and it all makes sense on paper so why can’t this work? Everyone says, “Oh now’s the time to buy!” and “Oh, there’s tons of first time home owner programs out there to help you out.” I need a first time home buyer program that says, “Here: take this $5,000 and go put it down on a house. No, really, we don’t need to see your credit score and you don’t have to pay it back. Just take it, because we love you.”


Really what we need is a long lost rich uncle who just found out we’re his favorite relatives and wants to shower us with jewels. And houses.


But all is not hopeless and lost like these shoes:

We’re thinking about moving back to *gulp* “husband’s home town”. Now here me out. Yes, I would really like to be a big girl adult and cut all “helping” ties from our parents and really do this on our own. But this is not our wedding (which we paid for on our own (yes while neglecting other financial obligations to our parents so technically we had help but STILL)) but we can’t do it. We simply can’t do it. With the additional $3-400 dollars tacked on to just our house payment plus over $800 a month on daycare/preschool for two kids, we JUST CAN’T DO IT. So my genius husband (unlike his wife who can’t spell genius. Stupid Microsoft Word pointing out my mistakes) came up with a 5 point plan to move to “home town” which included:-Cheaper daycare-Cheaper Car Insurance by way of carpooling together-Cheaper gas by way of carpooling together-more time together by way of carpooling together-J can still do preschool just a couple days a week. Then I added in-less stress on J who’s little world is already going to be turned upside down by a new baby and moving out of the only house she’s ever know. Why add to it by yanking her completely out of her gramma’s house which is the only daycare she’s ever known? That was my only contribution to the argument. Well, no, I also mentioned all the stuff about not relying on our parents anymore but in my defense, Matt’s much smarter and a much better arguer than me. At least when it comes to this kind of stuff. You know, big life changing events and how to plan for them. I’m better at the “No, we can’t get (blank)-tv-on-dvd volume-(blank) right now because we need to pay J’s medical bill before the clinic says, “no more health for this little girl!” and cuts us off completely” arguments.  So that’s where we are now. Yes, I left out the PERFECT house that we just couldn’t afford and still keeps me up at night (CARPET!! NICE carpet, and not in the bathroom! And a yard! A NICE yard without giant patches of dirt. And NO needed repairs or weird smells. Do you realize how rare this is for homes anywhere NEAR our price range? It’s fucking rare, ok? Did I mention the heat was on so our feet were able thaw out from the first two houses we looked at that were “winterized”. And the CARPET??) and I left out me avoiding calling the mortgage guy to find out an estimated interest rate and a bunch of other stuff that I just couldn’t spin into something funny. BUT, we’re looking at a bunch of houses tomorrow so my hopes are now back to outrageously inappropriate heights. I just don’t understand why I can’t have this house:http://www.mlsfinder.com/mn_rmls/jessicalyman/index.cfm?action=listing_detail&property_id=3486472&searchkey=fb367435-0a96-5152-dfba-47f45afec9a0&npp=10&sr=1 I’m pretty sure that’s where they taped the “house” scenes in that early 80’s version of Alice in Wonderland when all those B-celebrities dressed up as different characters and sang and dance. C’mon, you know the one I’m talking about. Hang on, let me go google. Helps if I type in “Alice IN Wonderland” not “Alice AND Wonderland”. I did it twice: once in the blog and once on google. Told you my husband was the genius in the family.

Here it is: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088693/

Alice in Wonderland

Find it and watch it. You won’t be disappointed. How did I get from house hunting woes to Alice in Wonderland? One very simple reason: I’m awesome that way.


3 Responses

  1. I know how frustrating it is buying a house, or wishing you could have a certain house that is out of your reach. I miss our old house so much, and I kick myself how cheap it was, here we could never, EVER afford anything close to that. Wait, I take that back, we could get a manufactured home for about 200,000 here. It really drives me nuts when I meet these navy wifes who are 18 or 19 with 2 kids and they have a $250,000 house out here and their husbands make less then Chris. I sit there and scratch my head going “how do you do it?” but then again alot of people have help from their parents, you wouldnt believe how many parents buy their kids cars, pay their cell phone bills or basic cable bill or give them money for grocerys.

    And the process can be long. We went to our bank, who took 45 days with the underwritting process before coming back and saying “sorry, we cant help you” why, because 3 years prior Chris’s check book was stolen and all but one check had been cleared, and even though we had court documents and a affidavit proving it wasnt our fault, they didnt care. I wanted to kick the lady in the face, but then I guess I cant shoot the messanger can I? Hang in there and eventually you will find a home that you can afford, it just may take some looking and planning. I hope everything works out for you.

    And just be careful, though Im sure you already know this on who you go threw for financing your new home. We had friends who bought a home and their credit was so bad that they got turned down by everyone in the state, finally some place 4 hours away approved them and they wanted a house so bad they didnt think twice. Now after the intrest rates changed on them (they had an adjustable rate) they are in the middle of losing their house.

  2. girl…i have faith that you guys will be able to do it….but keep in mind all the extras that you will be paying for for a house too…i was just talking with someone about it the other day because they were shocked at how much I pay for rent for a 3 bedroom town home but since i dont pay association fees…or garbage, water, home owners insurance or property tax….i really do spen WAY less than owning a home, and while in the long run owning is better I am already “SAVING TILL IT HURTS” (you may remember that from newbies) and cant spare anything else at the moment….as you said i am not poor…just broke 🙂 Good Luck!!!!

  3. I’m crossing my fingers until I’m getting weird hand cramps and hoping, hoping, hoping this works out for you!!! I absolutely have no doubt that you’re going to end up with something that works out well and that you’ll be happy with, so now I’m just hoping it’s SOON so you’ll have plenty of time to spruce it up before moving in all your stuff. And just think, you’ll have Jaden’s room AND a nursery to decorate, lucky!!! 🙂

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